Sunday, January 27, 2008

Taking a Break

I'll be back in a few weeks.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Bento Lunch - Cross Cultural Minglement

Top container - Cajun blackened chicken from my Blackened Chicken with Fettuccine Alfredo recipe.
Second container - Steamed broccoli florets
Rice container - Fettuccine Alfredo
Soup container - Coconut Sticky Rice

I've been craving this for a while. I made a less fancy, bastardized version of my blackened chicken and fettuccine alfredo (from memory, and I omitted the tomato).

The Coconut Sticky Rice is a Thai dessert, typically served with mango, that I really like. It's like a heavy coconut-flavored rice pudding. To make it, you cook up some short-grain (also known as "sweet" or "glutenous") rice and cook it according to this recipe. Don't add the vinegar, sugar and stuff to it. After it's done cooking you add a sauce made from coconut milk and sugar and let it stand until the sauce is absorbed.

If you're not serving this with mango you can sprinkle a little cinnamon or cardamom on top. It's really good. I could get fat on this stuff.

I just realized my lunch is insanely carb-heavy. Better push myself extra hard tonight on the treadmill.

Mourning Heath Ledger

I found out about it yesterday afternoon, but didn't know what to say.

Death of Heath Ledger
Covering a Celebrity's Death

It's always tragic to know when someone who's near or at the peak of their game dies unexpectedly. You don't want to see rising stars fall, especially when you don't suspect that there might be something wrong.

I enjoyed Mr. Ledger's movies and looked forward to the challenging roles he would have played had he not died suddenly. I still look forward to seeing him in The Dark Knight. I think he will make an excellent Joker and I'm sad that we won't get to see him in the third installment of Nolan and Bale's Batman incarnation.

I recommend The Four Feathers, Brokeback Mountain, and Monster's Ball. I haven't yet seen Ned Kelly or The Brothers Grimm.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

New Sidebar Link - Eating Single

One of my friends from high school has started a new blog on eating solo. I've added a link to it on my side bar.

It's called Eating Single. Go check it out.

Singing, "Ay, Oh, Ay, Oh, Ay, Oh, Ay"

I heard this song on the radio this morning for the first time. Lets you know how out-of-touch I am with what's going on with the world.

It was catchy and put me in a good mood. It's definitely something I'm going to need to download and add to my running/party playlists.

The song is Santana and Chris Kroeger's collaboration, Into The Night.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Bento Lunch - The Return of Mr. Bento!

It only took me almost a month to start bringing lunch to work! (one of my goals for the year)

Today I have:

Top container - two pieces of chicken satay, broken up to fit
2nd container - Bird's Eye Steamfresh mixed vegetables, seasoned with salt & pepper
Rice container - stir-fried noodles topped with peanut sauce
Soup container - almond jello

The stir-fried noodles and chicken satay were leftovers from last night - the recipe borrowed heavily from Ellie Krieger's recipe. I didn't feel the peanut sauce was spicy enough, but then again I omitted the curry paste. Shame on me. The noodles were just spaghetti noodles cooked to al dente, then stir fried with frozen vegetables in a wok. I was most disappointed with the frozen vegetable mix I used so I don't think I'll be trying that again the next time I make this dish. I'll probably just use fresh vegetables and stir fry those before adding the noodles.

I saw the Bird's Eye Steamfresh veggies at the supermarket, and was intrigued. I think they're probably slightly more expensive than regular frozen vegetables, but if it's easy and good to eat, I think I can justify the extra cost. You just throw the package in the microwave, bag and all, and nuke it for about five minutes. The specially designed bag steams the vegetables to perfection. I was really impressed when I pulled them out of the microwave this morning. Hopefully they're as impressive when I reheat them at lunchtime.

Almond jello is one of my favorite childhood desserts. It's a fairly Asian thing, and something my mom would only make on occasion, which is funny considering how easy and yummy it is.

I don't really follow a recipe, although I know there is one in one of my Asian cookbooks. Basically you combine Knox gelatin with water and milk (the recipes I've seen use "real" milk, although in my experience I've only add dry milk to make enough for the amount of water that I used), sugar, and almond extract. Then you put it in the refrigerator to set. (There are more exact recipes floating around on the net if you do a search)

I completely spaced it at the grocery store and forgot to get fruit cocktail (you know they sell a tropical fruit cocktail at Ralph's too, but without nata de coco, which is the whole point of getting tropical fruit cocktail), so I guess this was a trial run. I'm sure I'll get better at it the more often I make lunch for myself. Does it count that I brought a banana and an orange for myself today?

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Book Review - If Love is a Game, These are the Rules

Most self-help books aren't worth the paper they're printed on. Most of them are filled with some of the most unloving language possible, blaming the other sex for your relationship problems, immature coping techniques, etc. Most I think create more drama than they resolve.

I'm most probably not the most emotionally mature 24 year old on the planet, and the past month has certainly not been a good one for me in terms of maturity. However, at least I see that flaw on me and I know it's something I can work on.

I first read major portions of If Love is a Game, These are the Rules in Barnes and Noble about a year ago. This book is without a doubt the most honest, truly open book on fixing ourselves and by extension our relationships. How do we authentically get the love we truly want and deserve? How do we build a sense of our own self-worth? How do we maintain love once we've found it? This book will teach you that and more.

It's worth more than its weight in gold-pressed latinum. Worth much more than all the other books on who wants who, who's right, who's wrong, who needs to change to make you happy. Go out and get it. Even if you're in a solid relationship, the insights in this book are invaluable.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Hershey Hunt

Chocolate Syrup is one of the things I have trouble finding in the grocery store.

There just doesn't seem to be a logical place for it.

I was at Ralph's today looking for some of that Hershey's good stuff, but the only stuff I could find was the gigantic bottle near the ice cream that would top enough sundaes for a busload of 6-year-olds.

If you're wondering what a semi-healthy girl like me is doing looking for Chocolate Syrup instead of mini dark chocolate bars or fruit or some other "more healthy" option, here's why. Studies have shown that chocolate milk works just as well as more-expensive high-tech sports drinks.

I went to the aisle where the peanut butter was. I went up and down the ice cream aisle.

Something tells me chocolate syrup is next to the marshmallows, which is next to the jell-o, which is in the baking aisle.

I'll test my theory the next time I go grocery shopping.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Divided

I want to be in a relationship but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, someone who doesn't, for want of a better term, suck.
I want to be single but I hate waking up in the morning to myself in the cold. I hate not having anyone to share my life with.
I feel like I'm missing a huge part of why I'm single and yet other people's advice seriously annoys me. I'm convinced that every theory on why single people are single is full of enough cow manure you could swim in it.
I feel like I have a lot going on for me but I can't enjoy it because I can't get this stupid last puzzle piece into place. It's an empty satisfaction without someone to share it with.
I don't know my soul mate yet I don't want to go out and meet new people. I'm tired of meeting new people because they always end up so disappointing.
I hate spending nights in my apartment alone. Shouldn't I be doing something more fun or social?
I end up not turning people down because I don't have anything else on my agenda. So I spend time with people who I know aren't going to turn into something significant for me because I have no better alternative.
They say the best way to meet a new significant other is to meet friends of friends, but I'm sick of doing all the social things my friends want to do because they never reciprocate and want to do the things I do. Maybe I need to find better friends, but I don't know how to go about doing that. No one I know is into all the diverse things I'm into, so I end up having a set of friends to read books with, a set of friends to go to happy hour with, a set of friends to play board games with, etc. Are there no more three dimensional people out there?

Maybe I'm just boring. But I don't know how to make myself more interesting.

I just don't know why everything has to be on everyone else's terms. It's not fair at all. (What the fuck is up with all the men who don't want girlfriends? It really hurts, you know!) Why can't something be on my terms for once?

It's really tempting to throw my cell phone into the Pacific and not replace it. I'm tired of hoping that guys might call me (regardless of whether or not they want me). Let's face it, the only people who call me who really want to talk to me are my parents, and only because they want to keep track of me and dictate how I should live my life.

I'm going to end up being a spinster because I'm so craved for emotional affection that I'll scare off anyone who's seriously interested. Anyone I don't scare off will be the controlling nightmare freaks that I don't want to be with anyway.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sample

I realize this is of a private nature, but I also think there are a lot of women who don't take their reproductive health seriously enough. So maybe, in an off chance, my writing about my experience will help someone be less nervous about the whole thing, or inspire someone to start taking better care of themselves. Or, more likely, I'll satisfy someone's (probably a guy's) curiosity.

I went to the OBGYN today for a follow-up Pap on a colposcopy. I was supposed to have it done months ago but I was being really lazy.

Every time I go into the office there's a nurse who takes my blood pressure and my weight (102/70 and 144 lbs today). Then she asks me to give a urine sample. They have a little bathroom so it's not like I'm out in the hall or anything. There's a cupboard that you put the cup in that's connected to the other side so when you're done with the bathroom they can pull the cup out without having to go in. It's kind of elegant but threw me for a loop the first time I went there.

I get a little annoyed about having to give a urine sample. Partly because they use it for a pregnancy test which costs an additional $20 after insurance (which I already know will be negative and it's something I could do at home for less), and partly because I feel like urine samples are for drug tests and I'm definitely not *on* anything. Before I started going to this clinic I never had to give urine samples when I went to the OBGYN. Then again, I always went to the campus clinic before I hit the "real world".

The mischievous side of me wants to start writing "TreeTop" or "Mott's" or "Lemon-Lime" on the cup instead of my name, but I don't think it's very nice of me to take my frustration out on the nurse who is just executing a policy that she probably didn't even come up with.

After the urine sample the nurse leads me to an examination room with a table that has a gown and a drape on it. Theoretically you're supposed to strip, put the gown on (opening in front - it's like a paper bathrobe), crack the door, then sit on the table and put the drape over your legs. I *think* the doctor is only supposed to do breast exams once every three years, so in an off year I'm not sure what the gown is for if you only have to take your pants and underwear off.

The doctor comes in, asks some questions about when your last period was and if you have any questions or concerns. Then they have you put your feet in these "stirrups" and you lay back for the exam. It's really the most undignified position you can be in, but things will go a lot better if you let your knees fall to the sides and relax. A sense of humor helps, too. The exam room I was in today had a little poster on the ceiling that said, "Relax" and had a photo of a monkey making a funny face. The doctor inserts a speculum and collects the sample for the Pap smear. There's a plastic brush that the doctor brushes/rubs over the cervix. It's never hurt me but can feel kind of weird or uncomfortable. After the Pap the doctor does a pelvic examination. The doctor lubes two fingers of one hand, inserts it, and puts the other hand on top of your tummy to check out things like the size of your ovaries and your uterus. Sometimes this doesn't hurt at all, sometimes it really hurts. Sometimes it hurt so much you're walking around funny for the rest of the day. Actually, that only happened to me once.

After that you're pretty much done. The doctor leaves, and you can put your clothes back on and take for the hills. Sometimes the doctor will have you come back to their office to talk about any concerns or when they would like to see you again.

You should get a phone call or a note from the office in a few weeks (no longer than three) to find out what the results of your Pap are. If you get an abnormal result you'll probably have to go in for a colposcopy, which can be pretty scary but it didn't hurt at all like the horror stories I've read on the internet. So if I have to have one of those done again I'll probably blog the experience.

If I haven't convinced you that women need to do this once a year, I even have an extra-helpful reason: women who get Pap smears tend to clear HPV infections, and there seems to be a correlation. So if for no other reason (you can even request other STD/STI screenings at the clinic), you should get that done.

So there you have it. A sample girl-parts check-up.

Old But Cool

I found this news blurb from last year. But it was so exciting I felt like I had to share it.

Basically, there's a correlation between getting Pap smears and fighting off/avoiding HPV infections.

Cool, huh?

I really wish my high school health class covered stuff like this. The curriculum was much more concerned about abstinence and pregnancy than STDs/STIs and health screenings.

OK, I'm fibbing a little bit. I remember getting a small dose of STI information, mostly to scare us rather than inform us.

I guess I find abstinence a good concept, but not one grounded in reality. Teens are going to have sex, whether parents want them to or not. Arming them with information they need is a lot healthier than putting earplugs in and blinders on.

Even if you're going to argue that it's not information teens need to have, when are they going to get it? I never knew the value of getting a yearly OBGYN exam until I was almost done with college. A friend of mine who was getting married and concerned about kids floored me when I asked her about family planning and she had no clue what that was.

Or maybe I'm just turning into a liberal nutcase.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Coincidence

I'm in a big enough town, the likelihood of us ever running into each other are incredibly slim. We run in different circles, hang out with different people, and probably shop at different stores. The Fates have woven our lives apart.

And yet, this morning, it happened. The right circumstances came together and I saw him in his car this morning.

He works not far from me (his office is less than a half-mile away from my office, and both complexes share a common road), and even after he moved out we still both use the same route to get to work.

He's not so much an early bird, and I've been waking up late recently.

There's an intersection on the commute right before I get to work, where I turn left and he goes straight. I was in the turn lane and when the light turned green I pulled forward. The car at the front of the line was a blue Ford Focus.

"Hey, " I thought. "My ex-boyfriend drives a blue Ford Focus."

Then I saw the "Follow me to Dodger Stadium" license plate frame and I knew it was him. I didn't even need to glance at the driver, although I did and even though I didn't get a clear view I knew.

By then I was going too fast into the turn and I was gone.

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The more I think about him the more angry I get. I wish I could have seen through him before he dumped me, so that I could dump him first. I'm mad at myself that, because of him, I second-guess every interaction with every romantic prospect since.

I'm more hurt over the idea that all the young eligible bachelors I meet don't want girlfriends than I am some fucktard messed me up and dumped me. Maybe I need to be older or more single. One of my friends tells me I need to accept shades of gray in relationships. That wouldn't be too bad if the bachelors were at least open to the idea of having girlfriends. It wouldn't be too bad if some fellow actually wanted me for a change. We go on a couple dates and they say, "I don't want to hurt you but I don't want a girlfriend." Add a couple words and they might as well say, "I don't want to sound like an ass, but I just don't want you. We can still hang out, right?" It's almost enough to force me to delete every bachelor's number from my phone, change my number, and not look back.

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I wonder if he saw me; my car is a flashy cherry red, and a model that isn't too common (at least, not common enough for me to be seeing them everywhere) even though it is an economy model.

I'd almost rather he was oblivious.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

My Quarter-Life Crisis

So my neighbor commented that I'm going through a quarter-life crisis.

Why did no one warn me about this before? I've read/heard about the mid-life crisis, where all the guys buy new sports cars and run off with the youngest blond bimbo they can find, and the women get Botoxed and surgical alteration to keep their husbands from running off with the blond bimbos.

I'd never even heard about the quarter-life crisis. And yet, there it is.

I thought when I had a good job I would be able to travel every year. I'd be able to conquer the world through my superior intellect and drive to save us from ourselves. I could buy pretty clothes, jewelry and makeup. I'd be living the dream.

And where am I? Yeah I can afford to live by myself, but if I want to go to Peru in 2010 I'd better get my budget and my collective financial shit together. I can't get a relationship to last beyond infancy and I wonder why that is. I don't think I'm a bad person, or a bad girlfriend. It's just I can't find anyone who wants a girlfriend, who wants me. They're all like, "I don't want a girlfriend, but I'm not interested in anyone else and we can still fool around. Is that OK?" No it's not OK! What the fuck? Aren't I nice/smart/pretty/alpha female enough? Maybe I'm not trendy enough. But that costs money I'm not willing to spend on people I have to convince to want me. I shouldn't have to convince anyone I'm a good person to spend time with.

I'm thoroughly convinced that men in my "target demograph" will 1) never commit, 2) don't want families eventually and most importantly 3) don't want me. And it's not like I think I ask for much. I just think it's nice to wake up next to someone in the morning occasionally, and have a consistent friend to go out to dinner or a movie sometimes. Someone to explore the world with. And for some reason that's too much to ask for. Maybe they're all going through quarter-life crises too. You would think we could bond over our misery.

I crave social interaction but I bore easily. I leave parties early and I think in some cases I drink a little too much. I don't know if I just feel more comfortable around my friends here or what, but once I went to a party in my apartment complex and drank a bottle of wine in under two hours. If you've met me, you know that I'm wild enough after a glass or two. (Disclaimer, I don't drink and drive.)

Why do I feel so empty? I have hobbies. Aren't hobbies and your occupation supposed to be what enriches your soul?

I don't want to start going to church again. Church people scare me.

And it's not like I don't have goals. Besides traveling, I want to run a 10K this summer, and a half marathon this Fall. I want to run the Marine Corps Marathon next year. I feel that if I can complete that marathon I'll have redeemed the part of me I lost when I failed OCS. But then what? I won't have conquered the world, I'll probably still be single and jaded.

It's so depressing and I really wish that someone warned me about it beforehand. But then again, according to this article, if I'm lucky I won't have to get Botox and breast enlargements later.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Innate Brokenness

One of my favorite professors commented once that "everyone is broken".

I believed him at the time, but I never really understood until recently.

I feel that in a lot of ways I'm very naive about the world and very unobservant about people in general.

In a lot of ways, I'm also very broken.

I'm insecure, I'm vain, I have low self-esteem. I don't know how to fix those things. I have hobbies, a good job, and good friends. I work out. I have many interests. Yet in a lot of ways I still feel worthless and insignificant.

It's hard for me to meet new people and make new friends. I wonder if it's because I'm not good at seeking new people out or if it's just the current circle of people I hang out with aren't very compatible with me. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive and a majority of singles spend insane amounts of time at home alone.

I can see why my life has taken the path I'm not but I can't see ahead. My mom tells me not to worry about finding love but I don't believe that young men are capable of love anymore. I have a hard time trusting new romantic interests.

I don't want to fall but I can't see the road ahead for the cliffs below.

Monday, January 07, 2008

From the Frontlines of the Cleaning War

My apartment is proving to be a tougher adversary than I originally envisioned.

I was able to get my kitchen and my bathroom spotless, except now the garbage disposal is acting up. I've called in for air support (one nice thing about living in an apartment vs. owning your own place) and hopefully when I return the electric wonder will be in a working state as well as not respewing whatever the dishwasher decides it wants to put in the drain (forcing me to reclean that sink every time I do the dishes).

I also (with help from a friend) conquered the majority of the laundry. This leaves picking up miscellaneous items, shuffling them around to a new hiding place throughout the apartment, and vacuuming.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Restaurant Review - Catalina Coffee Company

I actually have only been here once, but I think this is an interesting enough little place to check out if you're near the Pier.

They roast their beans on-site (the only place in South Bay that I've found to do this!), so the coffee should be most spectacular. They have cozy places to sit, a fairly extensive mystery library (although no Chandler, by my first glance) and internet access (but what cafe *doesn't*?).

I actually had a mug of tea and a sandwich when I was there (if I had known about the on-site bean roasting beforehand, I would have gotten coffee). Their staff is patient and friendly. The tea was good (can't remember now if it was looseleaf or not) and the sandwich was made-to-order and yummy.

One of the most impressive things I saw at this coffee house was a mega-sized chessboard!

So take one of these rainy evenings, grab a friend and head over here for decent coffee and a game of chess. Or forget the friend and bring a dog-eared copy of your favorite Chandler book to supplement their lacking library. (You wanted to get that nice hardcover set from Everyman, anyway)

Bonus: these guys have their own parking lot. Take advantage of the free parking!

Catalina Coffee Company

126 North Catalina Ave.
Redondo Beach, CA 90277
(310) 318-2499

Friday, January 04, 2008

Plan of Attack

I now declare war on my messy apartment!

Since my apartment is non-sentient, I will post my plan of attack here. Any comments on strategy would be most helpful.

While I think the living room and the bedroom would be easiest to tidy up, I could get bogged down in hours of "hmm, should I *really* throw this away?" If I tackle these rooms after I get warmed up, I will not lose my cleaning momentum!

I believe it would be best to attack the bathroom or the kitchen first. Therein lies the real mess! I think the kitchen might know I'm coming though. A few days ago I took a spray bottle of Red Juice to the stovetop and the microwave. I pulled all the burners and cleaned the driptrays and gook underneath too! The fridge with its freezer full of "my God, I planned to *eat* this?!" mystery food knows I'm out for it next.

After those areas are done, I plan to tackle the cluttered dining room, thereby flanking the living room and ending in the bedroom, where mountains of clean and dirty laundry reside.

Phase two involves folding the clean clothes and putting them away, cleaning the dirty clothes and also putting them away, and vacuuming the carpet.

I expect the war to be over in two days, declare victory, and spend the next week mopping up insurgents. "Shock and awe", indeed. "Shock and awe" my dinner guest next week!

And this is what a single girl does on the first weekend of the new year.

For those who also want to improve their living conditions, I highly recommend The Clean Team's series of cleaning books. I read their books years ago (and obviously did not follow their advice) and when I could afford it bought most of the tools they recommended. I like their basic cleaning solutions and I like the concept of cotton cleaning towels (even before I moved to California!). And you all thought I wasn't green! ;)

Thursday, January 03, 2008

A Nice Complement

Someone gave me a nice complement today.

I was taking two coworkers to lunch and they were talking about the new Sarah Connor Chronicles TV show. Coworker A in the passenger seat said to Coworker B in the back seat that there was a new, good female Terminator (played by Summer Glau).

I said, "Yeah, I've seen the posters - she's pretty."

Coworker A says, "Oh yeah. She looks. . . (he turns to me) she looks like you!"

Getty Villa

Hey, check this out! Photos!


I went to the Getty Villa in Malibu with a friend over my holiday break. To me, this is an incredibly special museum. Modeled after the Villa of the Papyri in Herculaneum and incorporating floor and wall details from villas around Ancient Rome, one can definitely get a sense of how incredibly awesome it must have been to be wealthy enough to live in a place like that.

Architecturally it's already an interesting place. Then fill it to the brim with Ancient Greek and Roman art. Now that's just awesome. There's enough stuff here for at least three visits.


Admission to the Villa is free, but you have to go online or call to get tickets. Parking is $8.00.


The Getty Villa
17895 Pacific Coast Hwy
Pacific Palisades, CA