Wedding Pressures

Today, I ran into an old aquaintance online, a fellow I knew in high school who got himself married earlier this month. I guess they went to the Caribbean on a cruise for their honeymoon, which he found quite enjoyable and recommended that I also go on a cruise when I get married. I thanked him for the recommendation but said politely that I wasn't planning a wedding anytime soon. He then asked me, "Do you plan to marry?" I ended up telling him I did want to get married one day but it wasn't on my list of priorities today.

Of course, I would like to marry and have a couple kids (limited to a couple) some day. Just the other day I was drooling over a combination sewing/embroidery machine that had the cutest designs I thought would be perfect for the edge of a little girl's dress. But I'm 23 years old and still feel way too young to be getting married. OK, maybe not married, but definitely too young to be a mom. Why the rush to get hitched? Depending on who you talk to, 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Some factors that decrease the chances of getting divorced include:

• Annual income over $50,000
• Having a baby 7 months or more after marriage
• Marrying over 25 years of age
• College Education
• Having a religious affiliation

Hello?!? Granted, I'm college educated, with a religious affiliation, and no kids. My yearly income is a net total of broke, and I'm under 25. Of course, there are marriages that don't end in divorce where both partners are high school educated, make less than 50K, etc. But I only want to do this thing once. Shouldn't I give myself the best chance for that? Don't I owe myself that?

Some Interesting Links
Ten Things For Young People To Know About Marriage
Top Ten Myths Of Divorce
Top Ten Myths Of Marriage

Terrified Ramblings

I've gotten some huge nibbles from schools in Taiwan on Monday. So I've decided to move into my parents' new home in Kimberly, Idaho and squat there until I leave for Taiwan, probably by the end of June, but no later than the middle of July. I have to call Taiwan's "Economic and Cultural Office" (really, it's an embassy, but we can't call it that or the PRC will go apeshit) in Seattle tomorrow and find out what I need to do to get a 60 or 90-day visa, something that will let me be in-country long enough to get a working permit, or ARC (Alien Resident Certificate). I need to breathe.
I need to pack my apartment up so my parents can load it up this weekend.
I'm terrified of staying in Butte and not having any other job offers come up.
I'm terrified of being in debt the rest of my natural life.
Strangely, I'm terrified of discovering myself over there. I've never felt comfortable, at home, anywhere I've lived. I've outgrown Butte. I feel like I'm missing half of my cultural heritage. (Have you tried growing up not knowing half of who you are?) I've been taking Chinese lessons, but I know the second I'm in-country all of that is going to seem miniscule. At least I know what Mandarin sounds like, and I can pronounce the words I know without butchering them.
I have to go over there for me, for my soul. I don't know what I'm going to discover when I'm over there, but I hope that whatever it is, it'll be good. My grandmother wants me to live with her if I can get a job in Taichung. How can a person who barely knows me trust me enough to live with her? I want to get to know my relatives, to be able to communicate with them.

To become an expatriate sounds exotic. But I need to go because I can't stay here. Maybe I've been stricken with the wanderlust, because I can't stay anywhere too long. I lived in Ontario, CA for 9 years, in Cedar City, UT for 9 years, and Butte for 5. Now I'm planning on going to a place where I won't be able to read simple street signs. I must have a screw loose.

The Wine Again

I realize I'm far from being a wine connoisseur, but I really like having a glass of wine with dinner or just chatting with friends. Beer is OK, the "bitch beers" are OK, and while I prefer mixed drinks to beer, they're not the same as a good glass of wine.

I realize the adjective "good" is relative to what each individual (or group of wine geeks) define as "good".

Tell me I have terrible taste in wine, and it really wouldn't bother me. Especially since I'm more fond of blush wines (particuarly white syrah) than not.

I bought a bottle of Red Bicyclette's syrah (red, not blush) today. I've noticed I've been picking out bottles that have witty, cartoony, or in want of a better term, contemporary labels lately. (So is that label called "Bicyclette Rouge" in France?)

I've picked out bottles of wine that I really shouldn't have (as I thought they were too "heavy" or "dark" for me, or had a lovely smell but were too strong for me to drink), and I've picked out bottles of wine when I should have picked up two or three. I haven't quite gotten it down to where I can pick out a bottle and say, "Yes, this is wine I would like." But then again, is anyone (even the wine geeks) to that point?

Virginia City

Yesterday after Mass, I went to Virginia City. If you haven't been there, Virginia City is a ghost town that has been "revived", with a couple museums and lots of shops. Quite a few of the buildings are on the National Registry for Historic buildings, which is kind of strange considering a couple of them look little more than wooden shacks.

It's a nice day trip, about an hour and a half from Butte. It was a cool day (snowing in Butte), with fog and mist hovering over the mountains.

It was rainy in Virginia City, and way too commercialized. I would have liked to see a blacksmith turning out horseshoe souvenirs, a "real" candy shop with old-fashioned candies, etc. There was a "drug store" that was selling a lot of period clothes. Personally I think a lot of those period clothes look fancy, but I think the only time I'd actually wear anything like that is to a costume party. There was a gorgeous dark green taffeta gown in the store window, but I didn't ask to try it on.

If you end up going to Virginia City, make sure to get a photo taken. There are a couple photo booths where they take a photo of you dressed up in period clothes (most of the clothes fit over your own, so prepare to look like you just gained 30 pounds).

Job Hunting

My job hunting has boiled down to a two-pronged attack on the job market:
I'm applying for computer science type jobs in the states that look interesting to me
I'm applying to schools in Taiwan

I apply to about 5-10 jobs a weekday, depending on what I can dig up on the internet.
So far, I've gotten some nibbles from Taiwan, but nothing definite yet.

I've come to the conclusion that job-hunting is the most butt-kicking occupation out there. Filling out different online applications, all of which require you to push your strengths (most of mine, I believe, are called "soft skills", a.k.a. communication and writing skills). Then you invariably wait for the "We're sorry, but currently we are not searching for someone with your unique blend of skills and qualifications" or the non-response.

To improve the situation, the nibbles I've gotten from Taiwan all expect me to be over there for a job interview. Which would be great except that I have no idea when I'm going to be over there.

Maybe I should just pack up my apartment, store 99% of my stuff in Idaho, and take myself and two bags of luggage (one nested inside the other) to Taiwan.

Who knows? Maybe I do need to pull a crazy stunt like that. If someone out there has a better clue please fill me in.

Post Script: Do you know what this reminds me of? Learning to drive. It's absolutely terrifying to think that I am in control of my life. After being told for years what to do, no one exactly handed me an education on how to decide what to do. I went to confession the other day, and the priest said to look for feelings of peace and comfort in my options and to go with the one that gave me the most sense of security. OK, he didn't say it like that, because there was a lot of religion thrown in, but you get the idea. What would really help me is if I had a dream or aspiration. Unfortunately, the last one of those got shot down about a year ago and I haven't been able to conjure up another one since.

God & Us

Talking To God - I don't like throwing out. . . .

I think Gunner has a good point here. "Believe in Him and love one another. So simple and yet so often screwed up."

I think God's purpose, or what God is like, is beyond our comprehension. But I do think God knows that He's misunderstood and that He loves us in spite of that.

Hmm.

Are You Blue? FYI

Are you Depressed?

(All of the below information was taken from MSN's health page)

• Set realistic goals for yourself, and take on a reasonable amount of responsibility.
• Break large tasks into small ones, and set priorities. Do what you can when you are able.
• Postpone major life decisions (such as changing jobs, moving, or getting married or divorced) when you are depressed.
• Try to share your feelings with someone. It is usually better than being alone and secretive.
• Let your family and friends help you.
• Even if you don't feel motivated, try to participate in religious, social, or other activities.
• Get regular exercise.
• Eat a balanced diet. If you lack an appetite, eat small snacks rather than large meals.
• Avoid drinking alcohol or using illegal drugs or medications that have not been prescribed to you. They may interfere with your medications or worsen your depression.
• Get adequate sleep. If you have problems sleeping:
  • Go to bed at the same time every night and, more importantly, get up at the same time every morning.
  • Keep your bedroom dark and free of noise.
  • Don't exercise after 5:00 p.m.
  • Avoid caffeinated beverages after 5:00 p.m.
  • Avoid the use of nonprescription sleeping pills or alcohol, because they can make your sleep restless and may interact with your depression medications.
• Be patient and kind to yourself. Remember that depression is not your fault and is not something you can overcome with willpower alone. Treatment is necessary for depression, just like for any other illness.
• Try to maintain a positive attitude—remember that feeling better takes time, and your mood will improve little by little.

Exercise Tips:

• Do not overtire yourself. Start with simple activities, such as walking, bicycling, slow swimming, or jogging.
• Always warm up your muscles for about 5 minutes before you start exercising. You can walk, slowly move your arms and legs, or do simple muscle stretches.
• Use the talk-sing test to see whether you are exercising at a pace that is right for you. If you can talk while you are exercising, you are doing fine. If you can sing during exercise, you can exercise a little faster or harder. If you are not able to talk, you are probably exercising too hard. Slow down a bit.
• Cool down for 5 to 10 minutes after you exercise. It is okay to do some stretching exercises during cooldown.
• Drink water after exercising. Drink eight 8 fl oz (236.59 mL) glasses of water each day.
• Avoid exercising 2 to 3 hours before bedtime so that you will not have difficulty falling asleep.

Gradually increase your exercise until you can exercise for 20 to 30 minutes, 5 times per week. Remember that it takes time to develop a full exercise program. Proceed at a pace that is comfortable for you. If you have problems exercising regularly on your own, ask someone else to exercise with you or join an exercise group or health club.

The following warning signs may be present in adults who have a high risk for suicide:

• Depression or other mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness) or schizophrenia
• Depression followed by sudden cheerfulness and contentment. This may mean the person has made a decision to finalize a suicide plan.
• A previous suicide attempt
• Alcohol or substance abuse
• Death of a spouse or significant other
• Divorce
• Failing relationships
• Loss of a job or poor performance on the job
• Preoccupation with death in conversations
• Giving away personal possessions

Other factors that may contribute to thoughts of suicide include:

• A family member who has committed suicide.
• A history of physical or sexual abuse.
• Diagnosis of a serious medical illness.
• A family history of depression or schizophrenia.
• Recent life change, such as a death in the family, marriage, the birth of a child, a job loss, or a job promotion or demotion.

The Nerdy Wine

Wine shopping, while fun, can be incredibly time consuming. Unless you're a connoisseur, chances are you'll stare at the bottles until you can figure out if you want a white, a red, or possibly a rose wine. Then you'll stare at the bottles until you figure out what grape of wine you want, and/or possibly a particular brand/vinyard.

Well, my fellow nerds, I've found the perfect wine.

The Little Penguin

Not only is the labelling irresistably cute, but I've also discovered that Linus Torvalds, of Linux fame, was bitten by a Little Penguin (the animal for which the wine is named after), which inspired Torvalds to use a Little Penguin for the mascot of his operating system (Tux, if you don't know). How can you not love a bottle as fun as this?

On their website, there's also a personality test (making wine shopping that much easier) which allows types your personality to their wine. My friends, I'm a merlot.
"With your charm and charisma, it's no wonder you're so popular. It is that easy-going attitude that makes you the preferred penguin wherever you are. Of course, you're not one to squawk, but you can't help it if your plumage turns heads. Rest assured, you are as smooth as a bottle of the Little Penguin Merlot."
Ironically enough, I'm having the Merlot tonight with lasagna.

I'm Not Alone!

I stopped by Jesse's house today to say hello. He's still in town as well, and turns out he's as despondent and bored as I am. (And it's only the first week of our emancipation from school!) So I'm glad that I'm not the only one having a hard time finding a C.S. job. He looks like he's doing good other than that, wants me to stop by "anytime", and definitely before I leave town (or the country, depending). Jesse also told me about a girl he knows who works summers in the Idaho forests on trail crew, then collects unemployment the rest of the year and travels all over the world. Talk about having it made!

The Taiwanese high school that I'm looking into is a rich-kid's high school, and a lot of expats' kids go there too. I haven't heard back from the contact lady. . . maybe by next week.

The only thing I'm doing that's keeping my mind alert is my half-hour Chinese lessons. Pimsleur rocks. I'm also reading John Berendt's "The City of Falling Angels", which I'm getting into. Makes me want to revisit Venice.

It's About Time!

OK, so I finally got my act together regarding uploading my graduation photos.

The Cross-Cultural Implications of This Just Slay Me

I've been spending quite a bit of time at Doubting To Shuo, and found an ancient blogpost about his discovery of a Chinese version of Madonna's "Material Girl", or 拜金女郎 for those who get the Chinese characters. (I'm don't think it's actually Madonna singing . . . anyone want to clarify that for me?)

While I love listening to Chinese, both spoken and sung, this sort of cross-cultural ("Asianification", if you will) translation of popular Western songs really bothers me. It's like the little kid on Engrish with the teddy bear t-shirt that says "Fuck off!". Even with the literal translation of Madonna's lyrics into Chinese, I wonder if they get the meaning of the song.

But I digress. The song is catchy, in either language.

I Missed Something. . . .

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rare You are totally enchanting and intriguing But you usually don't stick around long! You are best known for: your beauty Your dominant state: seducing

What Type of Weather Are You?

Dinner Tonight

Tonight I'm making a pasta salad and my mom's Garlic Chicken. Dessert is baby angel food cakes (which I didn't make) topped with strawberries in wine.

Pasta Salad

• 1/2 lb rotini (doesn't have to be colored), cooked to al dente, drained and rinsed under cold water
• 1 diced green pepper
• 1 sm. can of sliced olives, drained
• 1 pint halved cherry tomatoes
• 4 oz. cubed mozzarella
• 4 oz. cubed cheddar
• juice of 1 lemon
• 1/3 c. olive oil
• 2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper (yes, I went overboard tonight)
• 1 tsp. basil
• 1 tsp. oregano
• 1/2 tsp. freshly ground pepper
• 1 tsp. coarse salt

Make the dressing: whisk together the lemon juice, olive oil and the seasonings. Toss with the pasta, veggies and cheese. I would add diced procuitto or salami if this was going to be a main course. If you don't want to make the dressing I would substitute a 1/2 cup of italian dressing, but it's not going to be as sunny tasting.

Garlic Chicken

• chicken pieces (with the skin on)
• salt
• crushed garlic
• olive oil

Heat a skillet to medium low, and pour a Tb or so of olive oil into it. sprinkle the oil with salt and crushed garlic, and place the chicken pieces skin-side down. sprinkle the chicken with more salt and garlic. Let cook about 20 minutes, then turn and cook about 20 minutes more (depending on the size of the pieces). The key to this is the low heat and long cooking time.

Strawberries in Wine

• 1 pint of strawberries, hulled and halved
• 1/3 c. fruity wine (I used Ernest & Julio Gallo's Cafe Zinfindel)
  
• 1 Tb sugar

Toss the strawberries in the wine and sugar, and leave to sit in the fridge for no more than two hours. Serve over cake, ice cream, merengues, and whatever else you care to think of.

The Fear of Being an Utter Failure

So. I graduated from college on May 13th, as Montana Tech's first female Software Engineer. Fast forward 50 or 100 years, and someone is sure to write an article about me and my life in the Tech Foundation newsletter. But today, I'm just a graduate. I didn't earn any honors or awards. I don't even have a job yet.

Here I am, with degree in hand, and turns out I don't even like engineering software. I ran into one of my old profs today, and he said that, a couple years ago, he wasn't sure if I was going to make it. What surprises me is that there was never any doubt in my mind of whether or not I was going to graduate from Tech with the very degree I have today. Granted, there were moments of "I'm going to beat this or die trying", with the "die trying" winning, but still. Oh ye of little faith.

I've felt a desire to start writing again, and in a big way. I don't know if it means I'm going to have to be a technical writer for some software company, or if I'm going to have to go back to college and study journalism or something like that. (Actually, I was thinking about doing war corresponding for a living about six months ago) Here's a modest set of goals I'd like to accomplish in my lifetime, subject to change in the future:

• Become fluent in Manderin (just speaking - literacy can come later)
• Write one major work of fiction and one of non-fiction
• Visit the Vatican
• Visit the Holy Land
• Learn how to salsa and tango in Argentina
• See Rio during Carnival

OK, that's all I've come up with. Maybe I should have become a travel agent or tour guide. I definitely don't want to spend more than the summer in Butte if this internship doesn't come up. If I spend too much time here, I'm going to lose any momentum I had left over from college.

Well, I'm Not Voting For Hillary, That's For Sure

Is A Member Of A Cult Running For President?

No, I didn't pick the headline. That's just sensationalist journalism.

Is it unconstitutional to not vote for someone based solely on his religion? OK, his healthcare plan is stupid.

If Mitt Romney gets nominated by the Republicans, I'll throw my vote to a third party. Most of us vote by the lesser of the evils anyway, right?

Eat Federal Lead And Die, You Scum!!!!

I'm happy to hear the FBI thinks rapists and pedophiles are just as important to catch as Osama (Usama) Bin Laden.

Warren Steed Jeffs
Polygamist Makes FBI Most Wanted List

Firstly, I hope they catch the bastard.
Secondly, I hope they catch all the other bastards like him.

That is all.

Immigration Thoughts

I was wandering around on the internet today and found a blog (that has a most excellent recipe for macaroni and cheese hidden in March) with a post on illegal immigration: Third World Country

I'm trying to figure out why people think illegal immigration and open borders are, like, great ideas. Yes, it's great for immigrants to come here and diversify our arrogant nation (not to mention the country was founded by immigrants), but I'm a fan of "live any lifestyle you want as long as you pay for it (within means)". So really, if you're in Mexico and want to have your illigitimate baby born in a modern facility, go right ahead. Just stick around and give something back to society while you're at it. While I'm ranting, if you're going to marry three or four or more women and have a pack of kids, don't put each wife's family on welfare and suck the money from the people who really need it to get back on their feet and produce something worthwhile.

Anyway.

My mother's an immigrant to this country. A LEGAL immigrant. While here, she's gotten an education (two courses shy of getting her photography certification, plus courses in screen-printing, etc.), made 360+ sleeping bags a day for Coleman for five years, raised me to be the slightly dysfunctional adult I am, and supported me in my college education (which is one week away from being complete, I might add). She's become fluent in English (what a concept! I know immigrants who've been here longer than she has and can barely speak English), and supported other immigrants' in their loneliness and homesickness.

I'm not against immigration. I'm against people who leech off society, no matter where they're from.

Diane Is. . . .

Try www.googlism.com to find out what you are!

I am, apparently (my favorites, with varying degrees of accuracy):

• "as easy as a click of the mouse"
• "clackmannan college's cover girl"
• "hot"
• "currently working on wishful thinking"
• "an award"
• "left in the shadows"
• "a member of the us world agility team"
• "smart"
• "a nudist"
• "a strong believer in the institute of 'daydreaming'"
• "laughing"
• "a professional breastfeeding counselor with over 15 years of experience"
• "a young performer with a very seasoned vocal style"
• "topless only wearing light blue jean shorts"

I am amused!

The Burden Has Been Lightened

Woo Hoo! I managed to complete and sign off my Microprocessors Final Project(an answering machine project) with barely 10 minutes to spare. All on two hours of sleep!

Excellent. Excellent. My plans of world domination are coming to fruition.

Just kidding. I'm just exhausted and happy that something valuable turned out peachy keen. My Microprocessors professor was getting amused at the test messages I was leaving on my answering machine project. "Check it out, it works!", "Check out the loud speaker", "Joe is singing. . .he must be happy if he's singing,", etc.

A Poem

My star of hope has long since set
No oasis waits for me
Despair, Depression, and darkness fall
No comfort can I see

If torment ended when muscles fail
If all ended when giving up
Then happy skies and spring-filled days
Would be reward enough

I would not wish this burden
On any mortal man
If stars of hope would rise again
Perhaps I could sleep again

Contrasts Implications of Theory

Montana Tech has a bubble-sheet-type survey for course evaluations. There's a list of forty-one things that a professor may or may not do, and you fill in one bubble on a spectrum of "Does poorly" to "Does very well". One of the forty-one evaluations are: The professor "contrasts implications of theory".

In the several years that Montana Tech has implemented this evaluation system, I've never, ever been able to understand WTF "contrasts implications of theory" means and how that would apply to a professor. As far as buzz-speak goes, it's worse than "synergy".

If someone who is more enlightened than myself can figure this out, please let me know.