I'm not quite sure where I found this revelation, but there it is.
So many times you hear that the best way to find a good partner is to not only be one, but to feel so comfortable with ourselves that we don't feel the need to spend time with someone else.
It's a tough realization to make. Mostly because it's one of those stupid life lessons that you have to figure out for yourself no matter how many times you've heard it.
I'm an only child. In many ways, I've been alone my entire life. Yet I yearn for one of those special relationships so badly, and when I finally think I've found it, the whole thing comes apart in front of me. Maybe we're incompatible, maybe he's emotionally abusive, maybe he's narcissistic, maybe I'm too immature for a relationship of the caliber I'm looking for.
Sometimes I find my weekends with nothing to do. And I crave human companionship so badly that I call every local friend I know looking for someone to go to coffee with, to have lunch with, anything to get me away from myself. When I can't find a single person who wants to spend time with me, I end up moping in my apartment and dope my 7-up with just enough amaretto to put me to sleep.
Am I so horrible that I can't even stand being around me? How sad!
The longer I'm single the less I want to date, and the less I want to be involved with someone. I feel like I would just end up disappointed with everyone involved. And the more I think about that the more I just want to stay the hell away from everyone and spend more time with me. Yet I can't stand me.
I have a strange relationship with myself.
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5 comments:
Some guy will come along and sweep you off of your feet.
Geez Diane. You are smart, witty and you are an independent thinker -- all this I get just from reading your blog. Most days I can't wait to read what you are writing about.
My dad told me once that as individuals we fail to remember that there are others in the world who look at us with envy. If you are feeling unhappy with yourself, consider seriously that there are others who would rather be you.
Other people that walk this world would rather live your life than the one they have crafted. People look up to you. If you cannot always find value in yourself because of your situation, please find value in that.
Until you are happy alone, you will not find lasting happiness with another. I know you know this, but it bears repeating.
Hugs to you!
Don: Thanks!
WP: Thank you! I needed a hug that day! :) I keep having to remind myself also that, even if I was envious of someone else, I would not want their problems. The only problems I would want are my own!
hey - I think you just need to start having some fun being single. I know it's difficult - beleive me I know! and you have to work at it, but you can't make anyone happy unless you are happy yourself. I found out the hard way.
xx
Time Traveller - Thanks! :)
I don't know - some days it's really hard to convince myself that I want to go to yet another museum/park/movie/thing-to-do alone. I always have a great time, but I just feel so unsatisfied when I get home, like it would have been so much better if I just had a friend there (not necessarily a significant other) to share the experience with.
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