One Year Later

Just a year ago I ran my first marathon, not knowing what it was going to be like after mile 20 or how hard or painful it would be to just keep going, one step in front of the other.  There are some official race photos where it's obvious I'm walking and in pain.  Quads and feet aren't supposed to burn like that.  I remember around mile 18 my feet swelled up in my shoes and I honestly didn't know if I was going to physically be able to keep going.  By mile 20 my feet weren't bothering me anymore, but it was certainly a scare for me.  I had made the cosmic bet that I was going to finish that day, and I had gone all-in with everything I had.

 I accomplished my goal, which I admit at this point seems fuzzy and perhaps contradictory.  To be honest when I crossed that finish line I was just happy to not be pushing myself forward anymore.  I didn't feel changed, or like I had restored whatever honor or face I thought I'd lost.  It was anti-climactic and somewhat disappointing.  I remember my friends had opened a bottle of champagne with dinner that night and all I really wanted to do was lie down and hope my legs would stop hurting.  The realization I might have actually accomplished something came months later, when I was thinking about going out for a run and thinking, "Damn!  26 miles is far!"  It came when I would tell people I was training for a half or another full, and they would give me those funny looks that said "You're crazy!"

Where do you go from there?  When you've spent so much energy consumed by one goal, what happens after?  I guess in my case I go out and do it again.  I really enjoy running half marathons, and I feel I'm a strong-enough runner where I can start to strategize my approach to running half marathons pretty well.  Full marathons are another story.  I still feel I'm just surviving that distance.

I'm stronger and faster today than I was a year ago.  I'd like to think I'm healthier mentally and emotionally as well.  I probably still push myself much too hard in races and not hard enough in training, but it's something I can work on.

I'm running marathon #2 this weekend - MCM again - it's a nice course and the logistics/support are most excellent.  Plus my dad can get off my case about the colors they use on the ribbon (I'm pretty sure it's going to be scarlet and gold this year - 35 years of MCM!).  I bought a bike recently and I'm going to incorporate some triathlons into my racing season next year.

I haven't peaked yet - I'm not sure I'll run MCM next year, as it's an expensive trip for me, but I'm certainly going to keep running!

President Obama Speaks at USC

I got to hear President Obama speak at USC on Friday.  Unfortunately I didn't get to see him because of the way the stage was set up and the size of the crowd.

I really hoped he would have a very inspirational, motivating speech, but it was just a pro-Democratic stump speech.  I thought he sounded a bit desperate. I was really sad and disappointed as President Obama is known for his uplifting and inspirational speeches and I hoped I could hear something I could take away from the experience.

I've been trying to find a place to upload his speech (around 20 min, 521 MB).  If anyone knows of a good free video hosting site, please let me know so I can get the video out.

And hey Trojans. . . . .Fight On!

What Else He Shaves

I'm starting to think I must *really* suck at relationships.  They fail when I feed them with much love and affection, they fail when I feed less love and affection.  They fail when I try too hard.  They fail when I give up trying.  What?  What is it?  Why can I get it to work?

I'm a bit lost that people say women have so much power in relationships, because I just am not seeing that at all.  I don't think I'm ever going to get married to that guy who's the perfect teammate for me and have little fat babies.  I'll have fat Shiba Inus instead.  Because the people love just isn't working for me.  It's tragic and I'm frustrated and I honestly cannot figure out what I'm doing wrong.  I can suspect, and change the gameplan a little each time I go out with someone new, but it's always, without fail, an epic failure every time.

How is it that I can be so damn smart and yet so dumb with this relationship bullshit?  I mean, the player I knew in college got married, and the jerk who used me to move to South Bay before dumping me has been married for a year and a half already.

Maybe I'm just un-marriable.

Strangely enough I think I'm picking better guys with each iteration, although the last guy (not the current guy) is a bit of an outlier.  Weirdo.

Anyway.  We had this "State of the Relationship" talk the other night. One of the the things that came up was jealousy and opposite-sex friendships.  I thought we had already talked about it, but apparently we didn't really see eye-to-eye on things.  I certainly did not see that I was here and he was way the fuck over there (on that topic, the relationship, etc. etc.).  How'd I miss that?  To tease me at the end of the conversation, he said,

"So who's this guy you went to dinner with the other night?"

"He's a friend from cycling.  He's nice; I got the impression that he wanted it to be a date but I told him beforehand that I had a boyfriend.  He seemed disappointed, poor guy."

"You're not attracted to him?"

"No, not really."

"Why not?"

"Uh (I don't need to look when I'm *with* someone already!  Gee, one guy is hard enough for me to figure out!  What am I gonna do with two!?), I don't know.  He's a cyclist.  He shaves his legs.  That's weird."  (Sorry Don! I had to say something!)

"He shaves his legs huh?  I wonder what else he shaves?!"

"Eew!"