One Livid New Year's

I thought teen angst was supposed to die after you reached your 20s. Apparently I was wrong.

I found out today that my mom is more neurotic than I thought. Or does everyone have a neurotic mom?

I found out today that my parents would rather I spend New Year's completely alone than out being a normal girl in her mid-20's and socializing with friends. I feel like they don't trust me, that they feel like they completely fucked-up raising me in that apparently they've somehow given me a bad sense of judgment. Maybe they did, and that's why I don't have a lot of friends and that I keep picking bad men to get involved with.

What the hell did I do to them? I went to college, I have a good job that they like to brag about, I don't do drugs, I don't get into trouble. I'd like to think I'm a nice person, that I'm a positive contribution to society. What more do they want?

Why can't they trust me to go out and have a fun, safe time on New Year's?

What bothers me even more is that despite my best efforts, I don't have anywhere to go and no one to go with tonight. I turned down an invite with a girlfriend because I didn't want to freeze my butt off in Pasadena to wake up at God knows what hour to watch the Rose Parade live.

I'm almost tempted to be really immature and start making stuff up to scare them. Maybe I'll just not be as open with them anymore. I don't want to do that because I feel that open relationships are better, but it's like I tell them everything that's going on and they don't trust me anyway.

It's really not so bad that I'm spending New Year's alone, but it really hurts that I wanted to have a light-hearted, fun New Year's and my parents didn't want me to have that also because they're too busy being paranoid that something awful is going to happen to me when I'm with my friends, who are all for the most apart also educated nice people who contribute positively to society.

Movie Review - I Am Legend

I read the novella of this a couple weeks before seeing the movie. I think the movie, while a departure from the source, was enjoyable enough to watch.

I think in my old age I've become resigned to watching tortured versions of great literature get caricaturized on screen.

If you haven't seen the movie yet, I would recommend reading the book (even if you've seen the movie the book is a good read). It's only 170 or so pages, and there are lots of little delightful horror stories at the end. Personally, I'm dissatisfied with both the book's ending and the movie's ending. Maybe that's why I'm not completely incensed. The movie does twist with the 'Legend' theme, and I like the book's version of it much more fascinating.

I've read a lot of reviews that compare I Am Legend to Cast Away. I felt that "I Am Legend" is a better film. I feel that it's easier for me to understand/empathize with a man who talks to his dog as opposed to a man who talks to a volleyball. Also, the threat of being torn apart by rabid, vampiric creatures feels a lot more immediate than starving to death.

I think I'm sounding a bit harsh! I saw "I Am Legend" on an IMAX screen (there's a six minute preview of The Dark Knight just before the show starts) and it's incredible to see things larger-than-life-sized. That is how movies should be shown!

There's a little bit of everything in this film and I definitely recommend seeing it in theaters - especially in IMAX where you can see "The Dark Knight" clip (yes, I really do think those six minutes are worth the extra price - especially on a screen that big).

Back in the Saddle?

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about relationships, and he told me something (which isn't new) that was very profound:

we develop relationships where our significant other treats us the way our subconscious wants us to be treated

Even if this statement isn't entirely true (and regardless of the debate over the subconscious mind), it's at least worthy of some thought.

Immediately after this conversation, I went to a Christmas party where I attracted a fellow who I would not have thought as "my type". That is, until I was telling someone the story and she said, "What are you talking about? He *totally* sounds like your type!" (This led to an internal reevaluation of what "my type" is)

This story could get verbose.

The concise version is that the fellow called me up, invited me over to dinner, I accepted and went, and we had a blast. I had the added benefit of noticing that, not only did has he won the "nicest-guy-Diane-has-ever-been-on-a-date-with" prize, but it sounded like he planned on having future dates with me.

How refreshing and totally unexpected!

So now I'm thinking that, maybe Love doesn't suck. I don't think Love is great, either, so let's say I'm now "hopeful that Love maybe doesn't suck". (That's such a blase way to describe the concept!)

And never fear - I *am* trying the multiple-line strategy, with minor success. I had a first date last week that, on a scale of 1-10, was probably a 3. Definitely no 2nd date for that guy. So while I'm trying to keep all my hopes in different baskets, I'm not having much success with the other baskets.

Bricked iPod, Update

I finally got around to cracking my iPod case open. It took a penknife and a guitar pick. If you try this at home, know that there's a little trick to it and you really have to dig at the case to get it to pop open the first time. There are videos floating around on youTube if you want a little guidance.

I tried the business card trick, and lo! It works!

Turns out my computer *will* run the latest version of iTunes, albeit slowly. My computer recognizes the iPod, updated the software, and now the resurrected iPod charges happily.

The real test comes tomorrow afternoon - will it survive another run?

This little experiment gives me all sorts of fresh ideas. Namely, replacing the iPod battery. We'll see if the iPod works first.

Movie Review - Black Book

I rented Black Book the other night. I'd read that Lust, Caution was a drawn-out, boring version of "Black Book", only in Chinese instead of Dutch and German.

"Black Book" is filled with interesting action from beginning to end, although the plot twists are predictable. I also found the characters lacking depth (overall) and slightly unbelievable, which I think is disappointing considering how obvious it is that everyone involved cares about the movie.

I found Carice van Houten's character especially naive, considering she was supposed to be a Jewish ex-cabaret singer near the end of WWII. She's very sexy in the film, and has multiple love interests.

This was a good, mindless rental. I'm kind of glad I didn't catch it in the theaters.

Apathy

Plenty of Fish
Chemistry
OkCupid
Match
True
eHarmony

The list of online dating sites continues to lengthen. The list of online dating sites I've tried will probably continue to lengthen too. While the men I get matched to seem to be, on average, all-right-enough fellows, none of them seem to interest me. Handsome athletic writer in Huntington Beach doesn't make my heart skip a beat, even if he does want to take me up to Hollywood for a movie and Thai food. Good-looking young ER doctor in Hermosa doesn't interest me because he probably doesn't have time for me (seriously, why is the guy even looking?). Etc. etc. This isn't counting any of the idiots who have no idea how to go about online dating. The guys I'm talking about sound like they have real potential, except for one minor problem:

I'm not interested. In any of them. I'm even tired of looking.

The whole dating-relationship-breakup parabola totally does not sound like something I want to have anything to do with, not now, not ever again.

That's pretty pessimistic, I know.

I don't think I've necessarily lost faith in Love, I think Love exists and that it's possible to Love someone. I think a healthy relationship that has a lot of Love, Romance, and Joy in it are possible, I just don't know if that's possible for me to have anymore. I just don't think that Love is for me right now. The men I've dated are so disappointing, and I don't think they were all losers either.

I've put up with a lot of crap from fellows, mostly because I'm an easy-going, accepting person. I'm nice, too nice for my own good. Well fuck that. I'm a valuable person, even if I'm a little dinged up by Life. I'm precious and I have worth to the world. Hell if I'm going to let some fellow take advantage of that again.

I mean, why waste an investment of my time, money, and energy, when I've never-to-this-date reaped a return? I'd rather put my time, money and energy into taking care of myself. Maybe that's a selfish perspective.

I know I'm sounding bitter. Maybe I even am bitter, to an extent. I'm a romantic person (most of the time) with romantic notions that got brutally squashed by reality.

One of the security guards at work is constantly telling me I need to dress up. "Girl," she says, "you need to come in here all dressed up so these boys will take you out to lunch! You should come to work tomorrow wearing a dress!" This has been happening for the past two weeks. Maybe she hasn't noticed that there aren't many young available men at work. Maybe she hasn't noticed that I just don't care about dating anymore.

Or maybe she knows something that I don't.

I'm Going To Try This!

I was chatting with a friend today who was on a quest to find the best gingerbread recipe.

Does anything *get* more homey than a freshly baked, warm gingerbread cookie?

I looked up Gingerbread on wikipedia and came across a fantastic new factoid - gingerbread cookies are traditionally dunked in port. What a fabulous idea!

I must try this tonight. But I'm going to be lazy and get gingerbread cookies from a store. I'll try to find some I can warm in the oven slightly.

Movie Review - Hitman

I went to see Hitman this weekend, in spite of awful reviews. As a standard action film, it's good. As a videogame adaptation, it's incredible. (Granted, I've never played Hitman, but I have seen my friend Dan play bits of it.)

They incorporated a couple aspects from the games that I liked, most notably Agent 47's use of costumes to slip past guards.

Action scenes were well-directly, particularly the train fight scene. You can actually *see* what people are doing in a fight!

The humor is cynically dry, and at times parodies James Bond in cheesiness.

Timothy Olyphant plays his lines, which can be cheesy at best, splendidly.

I also really liked that they kept Agent 47 true to his nature, and that the potential love-interest ended up being a friend and potential rasion d'etre at the end of the film. It's really nice to see a film not succumb to infatuation these days.

They screened a trailer for The Other Boleyn Girl before the movie started. While I'm not a fan of chick-lit historical dramas, I'm completely captivated by Natalie Portman's performance in the trailer. She is such a dynamic actress and it's breath-taking to watch her act. I'm interested in seeing how sympathetic the film ends up being to Anne. Not to mention I find Eric Bana more-than-acceptable eye candy. :)

Cold Remedies

I caught a cold this weekend. It's not bad, but it makes me think this is why I've been tired the past few weeks.

I have a few tricks I use when I get a cold, they usually at least make me feel better. I don't know if they make the cold go away sooner though.

Cold-Eeze. This stuff has been proven to shorten colds, when you start taking the lozenges at the first sign of a cold. I think I might have caught it soon enough this time, I just don't get sick often enough to know if I'm just feeling under the weather today, or if I should dig out the cold fighting arsenal.

Sinus Irrigation. Seriously. It's the weirdest, grossest thing most Americans can fathom, but it does make you feel better. Not to mention clearing out virus particles that your body now doesn't have to. Plus, breathing easy when you have a cold just feels good. I usually gargle Listerine afterwards as well.

Make a potion. Mine contains freshly squeezed lemon juice, honey, cinnamon, and candied ginger steeped in hot water. My mom steeps cilantro in hot water and honey. Then drink copious amounts.

Eat. Eat plenty of good food and make sure you're not ever hungry. And put down that chocolate chunk brownie! I said *good* food! Anything you're in the mood for. Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, egg drop soup, chicken noodle soup, pasta, steak, mashed potatoes. . . anything to keep the nutrition-heavy calories coming.

I'm up for trying anything new that sounds like it might work, as well. Comment your thoughts away!

Bricked iPod

I bricked my iPod a few weeks ago at the gym. I was running on a treadmill that didn't have a secure place for water bottles, keys, etc. and the iPod made a happy dive onto the treadmill belt.

It seemed OK until I tried to upload music to it a few days later, and it's been very sad ever since. I even tried to reformat the disk and everything.

One of my friends from work pointed me to this NY Times article about a blog post that may contain magic information that will get the iPod working again.

I'm actually not opposed to buying a new iPod (I've been looking at the iPod shuffle, since I mostly use my iPod at the gym and the clip-on functionality is kind of cool), but I need a better computer to run the latest-and-greatest version of iTunes, signifying a greater investment than I feel comfortable with right now. On the other hand, I could always dig up old software and try that with new hardware, but that is a daunting path to take.

Anyway, I'm going to try this insert-business-card method this weekend and see if it works. If not, I'm out an hour and a business card.

Movie Review - Beowulf

So I watched this new adaptation of the great heroic epic last night. In 3-D. An interesting juxtaposition of the old and the new.

I'm not sure how well it turned out. Visually, there's a lot to be said about the film in 3-D. Spears, flames, arrows, hands, etc. literally pop out at you from the screen. And to see Angelina Jolie dripping with liquid gold is a treat. Not to mention more seductive than ever, even though I was unconvinced that she could basically flick her finger and force kings and heroes to submit to her will.

Maybe I underestimate how easy it is to seduce a man. Especially when the lady in question is offering eternal glory in return for a golden horn.

The motion capture technology has improved somewhat, although I think most of the time the characters look cartoonish and wooden. They don't quite look alive, so there's definitely some uncanny valley effect going on, although not quite as bad as the effect for the Heavy Rain demo.

Regardless, I think I'm much more lenient on this film in regards to "historical accuracy" than I would otherwise be - this is a fairly loose adaptation. I think my leniency is due to the idea that Beowulf is, like Homer's works, an oral tale by tradition, and we humans like to weave yarns. I'm also in favor of anything that raises the general public's awareness of great stories like this.

There are some very thinly-veiled innuendos, and an odd fight scene where Beowulf is running around nude. Not sure what I think about that, although they did give Ray Winstone some killer abs ala 300 fame.

There are some pretty chewed-over ideas that they've brought to the film. Basically, they've made Beowulf an unreliable narrator for sake of glory. That kind of tarnishes it a bit, don't you think? I like the ideas they used for the dragon as well (even if it's a pretty run-of-the-mill dragon). I think my favorite ideas they used were for Grendal's Mother. There's a lot to be explored with her, I think.

A few ideas that I liked (or extrapolated) that they used for Grendal's Mother:
1) She is this seemingly immortal supernatural being. I think, in the context of this film, she represents man's internal struggle against temptation and desire for glory. The three men she seduces fail their saving throws vs. seduction. Doesn't say much for humanity, does it?
2) The offspring from her efforts at seduction I think represent some hidden side of the fathers. I'm not sure if that was something the director had in mind when he made the film, but I think it's something interesting to talk about. I don't want to give too much away, even though it's pretty obvious if you've read some interviews.
3) Finally I think you have this really interesting concept of male vs. female going on here. In this film, Grendal's Mother is, without a doubt, the strongest character in the entire movie. She's a foil to God and to Odin, because she makes an already famous name legendary. Without her guarantee, it's possible Beowulf would not have become the great hero.

So there you have it: an intellectual excuse to go see a pretty standard action film, even with the plot holes.

Restaurant Review - Sompun Restaurant

I was here the other night - it has fantastic Thai food if you're looking for a mellow, inexpensive place to have dinner. It wasn't that busy the night I went, but I heard it fills up for lunch.

I had their Mint Noodles with beef. It was an excellent combination of spicy, refreshing, and rich beef flavor. Service is excellent.

Sompun Restaurant
4156 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90029
(323) 661-5350
(323) 669-9906

Magic Mountain, Revisited

I went to Magic Mountain with a friend last night. It was another private party from work, and because it was cold and not very crowded we were able to go on all the major rides that we wanted to go on.

It was definitely worth going back to ride Tatsu and X. I really liked Tatsu, that thrilling feeling of having nothing under you is great. You really feel like you're flying, no kidding.

X was interesting, but I'm not sure I liked it so much. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be thrilling or terrifying. Such is the problem when riders don't know what's going to happen next.

I still think the Batman ride and The Riddler's Revenge are among the best roller coasters at Magic Mountain.

Lakers vs. Pistons

I went to the Lakers game at Staples Center last night. It was a good experience. The seats I had were near center court, but they were really high up (next to last row). I still thought they were good seats.

It was interesting to watch a basketball game and not hear commentary the entire game. I also liked watching the Laker Girls do their routines. I miss cheerleading a lot, and I miss dancing. I'd like to say I can appreciate watching a well-executed dance routine.

Lakers won 103-91 and it was a close game the whole night.

I'm not a sports fan per say, but I enjoy watching live sports. I enjoy the experience of going to the stadium or arena and watching a game.

I also like the experience of identifying with a team. I'd like to say I can identify with living in Los Angeles, and that real feeling of "I support the team that hails from my town" is a good one.

Fuel Efficiency

I track the fuel efficiency of my new car online at this website. Partly because I'm incredibly curious as to how efficient my car is with gas, and partly because I'm slightly anal retentive.

I'm doing slightly better than the EPA's MPG estimate, by 2-4 MPG. This makes me happy.

I don't think I'll be able to get 40 miles a gallon in my little car, even though I'd like to think I'm a fairly conservative driver. I just don't think that's possible to do in the city.

Even so, I hope it continues to do better than the EPA estimate, and I hope that I'll be able to consistently get at least 5 MPG better than the estimate some day.

I absolutely love my little car. The reason I haven't gushed on it here is for privacy reasons. (But, for some reason, it's absolutely OK to bare my soul, the garbage in my life? I sense a discrepancy here.) I guess I just don't want any stalkers/crazy people tracking me down. I get enough of those in real life already without adding people from the internet.

Bleeding Roses

There's this painting that Salvador Dali did in 1930, called "The Bleeding Roses". (Spoiler alert - the painting involves a full-frontal of a woman. Don't say I didn't warn you.) I saw it at the exhibit I went to last weekend. It took my breath away. Who ever knew that a little oil paint could produce the sense of depth this painting has? The image does not do the original justice.

I think it's magnificent.

What this piece of art says to me may not be what it says to anyone else. It may not be the message that Dali intended to send with his painting.

"The Bleeding Roses", to me, is a painting of what it means to be a woman. That human life is intrinsically tied to a woman's ability to menstruate. And that fact is beautiful.

My Favorite Tolkien Quote

Page 156 of my paperback copy of Return of the King, at the bottom of the page. Aragorn, Gandalf, and Eomer are hanging out in the Houses of Healing, and Aragorn says this of Eowyn:

For she is a fair maiden, fairest lady in a house of queens. And yet I know not how I should speak of her. When I first looked on her and perceived her unhappiness, it seemed to me that I saw a white flower standing straight and proud, shapely as a lily, and yet knew that it was hard, as if wrought by elf-wrights out of steel. Or was it, maybe, a frost that had turned its sap to ice, and so it stood, bitter-sweet, still fair to see, but stricken, soon to fall and die?

The Same Mistake

This song is really touching to me for some reason. I listen to it on repeat sometimes.

I'm not sure how pathological that is. I feel like I may glean some additional knowledge from Blunt's words.

I feel like my life is like this song sometimes. Some nights I just can't get to sleep, and I'm not sure what the reason for that must be. And there are no stars that I can see.

I feel like my love life is going in circles. I don't know how to break out of the cycle.

My ex-boyfriend doesn't want to feel bad. My best friend here wants to be "right", whatever that means. They both say they're worried about me.

I'm starting to think I'm ruled out of compassion, even if I'm not completely altruistic. I'm also starting to think that's a rarity in this world. If either of them were so worried about me they wouldn't be so busy trying to "not feel bad" or "be right" about my situation. I'm really annoyed by that.

I feel like everyone is selfish and everyone else's selfishness trumps my selfishness, every time.

Everyone has their problems.

And maybe someday we will meet,
and maybe talk, and not just speak

walk out the door and up the street
look at the stars
look at the stars fall down
and wonder where did I go wrong?

LACMA - Dalí: Painting & Film

Saturday, instead of going to a Marine Corps Ball or some such other Leatherneck event, I went to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art) to see their exhibit of Dalí: Painting and Film. I think it goes until the 6th of January, so if you haven't seen it I recommend checking it out.

It was really very enjoyable. I don't go to enough art museums, although I like the feeling of having my mind kneaded by art.

It was also incredibly crowded! Wow! The first room was the worst, but after that it was OK. It was really refreshing to see a crowded art exhibit too; the stereotypical impression I have of art musuems is that "no one goes to them".

I don't actually know much about Salvador Dalí, but I do feel like I know a little more about him now than I did before. I also expected to see more melting clocks at the exhibit, but the only one I saw was The Persistence of Memory. There may have been another painting or two, but it's possible I didn't catch it.

Also on display is a Lobster Telephone; now that I've read the wikipedia article, I'm much more amused by it. Although I think the way the lobster is placed is appropriate; it would just look weird if it was facing the other way.

There were also films at the exhibit; Un Chien Andalou (the first film you find in the exhibit), the dream sequence from Spellbound, Destino, among others. My favorite was Destino, which was an animated collaboration with Disney. There's this incredible shot where a woman sees the shadow of a bell on sand, then dives into the sand. The shadow of the bell turns into a dress on the woman. I'd like to get it on DVD if/when they ever release it.

One of my favorite paintings from the exhibit was The Bleeding Roses, which depicts a woman with four roses on her abdomen that are bleeding. The sense of perspective is incredible; I really felt that the roses were coming out of the painting.

I definitely recommend checking this exhibit out - it's definitely worth the $15-$20 admission. It's $5 to park in their parking lot (I think it might be free after 5:00 PM), and there's lots of places to eat near the musuem.

IT

I'm a big believer in the whole relationship/soul mate bond. I believe that when you find it, it's the most beautiful thing to have in the world. Because it means that, no matter what happens, you have it to fall back on. You can survive anything because of it.

Single people, especially single people without an extensive network of close friends, don't have it. You can't duplicate it with close friends, even if they are your Best Friends Forever.

I see couples and families that have it, though. They have that bond and it's beautiful.

I don't have it, and I want it. I want it because I think it would make my life better, that it would make the good days sweeter and the bad days less bitter, that it would make my life experience all the more warm and wonderful.

I don't think it is all that common. That's a travesty.

I thought I had it at one point in time, earlier this year. I was lying to myself. I've never had it.

Comfortable

Whenever we go through something life-changing, it changes us. We grow, we adapt, we realize things about ourselves that we never knew.

I realize that it's OK to be single, and not want a boyfriend. It's also OK to hope for something that might be something someday, just not today or tomorrow. Or next week or next year for that matter. Patience to heal and respect to wait for new attachments to form is OK.

It's OK to not want to go out on dates, even though you may have many offers.

It's OK to go home on a Friday night after work and sleep until Saturday afternoon.

It's OK to be comfortable with being oneself, and it's OK to do something, than say "I never thought I would do/feel that!"

It's OK to make mistakes, as long as they're ones you can learn from and remind yourself not to make them again.

It's OK to hope, to breathe again. It's also OK to miss what might have been, or what one thought one had, but not to miss what you can't have anymore.

It's OK to know you're not ready for something you want, and be OK with that.

Maybe I'm not as broken as I thought I was. The strong, wild, ambitious qualities compensate for the vulnerable and the tender. Now I'm someone different, and yet the same.

Table For One

I always feel a little like a freak when I go to a restaurant by myself.

Sometimes the wait staff is extra nice/attentive to me, other times I feel like they resent me. I always feel like they're trying to rush me though. I do try to tip well though, at least 20%.

It's frustrating. I can't really resent the wait staff, though. A table serving one person isn't going to generate the kind of income a table serving two or more will.

What's even more sad is that I've been solicited for dates, from men who truly seem like attractive, nice guys (with stable jobs). So it's not like I have to eat alone. They want to take me to that Thai place up in Hollywood that shows movies while you eat, to the Huntington (which I just can't go to just yet), etc. And yet I freeze when they ask me out. "Uhhh, can't we just commit to coffee, and go from there?" (And even coffee dates seem like a huge commitment to me) Maybe my body/mind is trying to tell me I'm not ready to be hitting the meet market just yet. Even though I so desperately want to get dressed up and go out dancing. I'm too timid to go out dancing alone. I think that's just not safe for me to do. Even though I know a place in Hermosa that would be fairly safe for me to go to. Strength in Numbers, or rather, Strength in Friends. There's nothing quite like a male friend you can dance with that's as successful a deterrent to potential suitors.

And another thing. If you have my number and it happens to come up as "restricted" when you call, please have the gall to leave a message. Otherwise I default to "oh, it must be So-and-So who called me once and the number came up restricted" and then I make an embarrassing call to So-and-So.

Nevermind. Scratch that. I'll just not bother with calls from restricted numbers unless the caller leaves a message. So just don't call me three times in an hour and not leave a message if your number comes up as "restricted" on my phone. That just makes me worry about my friend So-and-So. So-and-So thinks I have stalkers that call me, but I'm very choosy with who has my number.

Blackout

I find it slightly embarrassing that I actually *like* the new Britney Spears' CD. Especially against my better judgement, and in light of articles like this:

What exactly is Britney Spears trying to tell us?

I don't really think she is trying to send out a message or tell us much of anything. I think she's a product of Jive Records. She's a figurehead, a symbol, and nothing more (I think it's this very reason she's been having so many in-the-spotlight personal problems). I do believe she had some vocal talent, in her pre-Mickey Mouse Club days, but her voice no longer has the range or the strength of her earlier days.

That's why the only thing she can do is exploit herself even more. Can you imagine the backlash if she had actually done something musically substantial? I don't think the public would ever expect that of her.

The CD will be successful because overproduced pop, as much as we hate to admit it, is a staple of clubs and radio.

Love Isn't Blind

Freudian slip - when I was typing the title of this post, I accidentally typed, "Love Isn't Blond".

I'll have to keep that in mind the next time I look for my next heartbreak.

Love Isn't Blind

I like this article, but something tells me they don't quite have a complete picture of healthy love or how to get it.

I'm starting to notice that a lot in those self-help books you pick up in the bookstore. They're really revolting.

The other revolting self-help genre: Female Empowerment.

Movie Review - The Reaping

I went to a friend's house and watched The Reaping last night.

I'm so glad I didn't spend the money to see this in theaters. I'm typically not one for horror films, and even then I'm more apt to see something like Shaun of the Dead than a "typical" horror film. I guess I find most horror films to be full of cheap plot and visual tricks and not at all scary.

This is a good, "turn-my-mind-off-please" film. Probably a good make out film because you don't need to really watch all that much. It's probably better if you don't pay a lot of attention to the film.

The best opportunity to have something horrific/gory happen on screen was cut-away from. While I'm generally not a fan of gore, the whole point of the horror genre is to horrify and gross out the audience. In that sense, From Hell is a more successful horror film than "The Reaping", although the first Saw should be crowned king of gore.

In terms of creepiness/shock factor, I still think the thriller What Lies Beneath is one of the scariest films I've ever seen.

Articles Like This Make Me So Angry

The Feminine Critique

Maybe it's just the environment I work in, but I always get the feeling that women are as competant, if not more so, than men. There are still a majority of men in the office, though. The idea that the company values the amount and quality of work a worker can output, regardless of gender.

It's so frustrating to me, that there's this perception that men and women can't deliver the same amount/quality of work, that men and women aren't level in that way. It also irritates me that there's this idea that men and women aren't equal in leadership abilities.

I don't have a solution for what I perceive as a huge problem. I just believe that women should disregard these stereotypes and go for what they want. If they want a leadership position in the company, they should do things that would set them up for that, regardless of the "how you should dress" and "how you should act" models.

I also think that the "first impression" studies aren't quite that accurate. If a woman can dress "provocatively" in the workplace and also do a good job with what she does, then who is to dictate how she dresses? I definitely think it's possible to be a successful career woman and not be tied to a way of presenting oneself.

It's maddening.

The Huntington

My ex-boyfriend took a girl to the Huntington Library the other day for their first date. Apparently they had a good time.

I begged him for months to take me and he never did.

I wonder what I did wrong.

Now I can't go alone because seeing some place like that alone is a shitty experience (I tried that with the aquarium), and I've never been good at getting anyone to take me anywhere, even when I ask nicely and tell them it would be something that would make me happy. None of my friends like doing any of the things I like doing either. Maybe I need new friends. I need to find better fellows.

So I'm royally screwed in this situation. I won't be able to go to the Huntington until the mental association with him passes.

How come I'm the one who's always left hurting? What awful thing did I do in a previous life to enjoy getting treated poorly by every fellow I've ever had the poor luck to know?

Movie Review - Lust, Caution

I went to this amazing movie tonight. Alone.

It was an incredible cinematic experience. Ang Lee has outdone himself. My only disappointment is that I feel most American audiences would not "get" the film. What available character development is subtle, and I don't think the average American does well with subtle. Perhaps it would be better to read the short story the film is based on first, although I think I would have enjoyed the movie, either way.

The movie definitely deserves its NC-17 rating, but I also feel that the movie is not a pornographic drama, even though the sex scenes are incredibly explicit. The focus of the story is on the female protagonist, Wang Chia Chi/Mai Tai Tai (Tang Wei) and her involvement in a resistance plot to assassinate Mr. Yee (Tony Leung), the head of Wang Ching-wei's intelligence service (the film is set in 1942 Shanghai).

I knew that, even if I did not like the film, it would at least be beautiful to watch. I was not disappointed. Ang Lee has said that he feels the movie could be best categorized as a film noir, but I think that is true in tone and subject matter alone. The photography has too much light in it to truly be a noir. Regardless, attention to every detail (including reflections in windows, lipstick on handkerchiefs and coffee cups) is incredible, and every shot is beautiful.

The big complaint from critics seems to be the lack of character development and pace. To this, I only have to point at the source material - it's very difficult to do extensive character development in a 60-page novella, especially in a fairly simple story with one or two major themes. To translate the story to the screen, Lee had to make additions to flesh out the plot and show interactions that take up less than a page in the book.

I really shouldn't say "additions", what he did was make faithful elaborations to something that was already there.

Also, the story is very internal - I think it's very difficult to convey thoughts when you don't have words to help you. A Western director (I feel) would have turned all of that into dialogue.

I feel like I don't understand much more Chinese in movies than when I started taking Chinese classes, and that's disappointing to me. However, I know enough that I can smile when something I do understand is translated slightly differently in the subtitles than how I would have done it. Or when I pick up a grammar structure that I've learned. This was actually very distracting to me - it would be nice to watch the movie again just to enjoy the acting, the music, the costumes (I really want to make that blue qipao Tang Wei tries on in the tailor's shop in Hong Kong), and the breathtaking cinematography.

I know that most theaters will not carry Lust, Caution, because of the NC-17 rating. Even with the many movie theaters I have access to (at least seven locally), there are only two that were showing the film tonight. It's also an artsy film, which tend to not get distributed as widely.

Armenian Genocide Bill Update

Armenia suprised at storm over genocide vote
U.S. and Turkey Thwart Armenian Genocide Bill

Depressing Young People

College Costs Rising Rapidly

I'm always more than a little sad, and slightly alarmed, when I read about rising tuition costs.

Even though I'm not a student by profession anymore (does anyone ever really stop learning?), I really think education is one of the keys to getting ahead in today's world. Even though there are many successful people who do not have college educations, I feel those are the exceptions rather than the rule.

I paid for most of my college with student loans. Loans I'll be paying back for quite a while.

I think it's a sorry, miserable state we must live in when the only way to get ahead in the world is to entrap yourself into so much debt that it threatens your future economic prospects.

There are so many people I went to school with that I just know would go to college if they felt it was a little cheaper. These are young people who, with a little encouragement, could improve their lives, their earning power, and their psyches tremendously with a few classes. They could expand their world, and their horizons. They could dream big.

I have friends who disagree. They think that some people are supposed to be on the lower rungs of society. Even so, wouldn't it be great if you could go to Best Buy and the guy selling you the new digital camera actually KNEW something about electronics, and how they worked? Wouldn't it be great if the gal who sold you the double-bacon cheeseburger and fries knew something about service industries and the culinary arts?

I am, at the core of my soul, an idealist.

Lucky Number

I finally put my license plates on my new car today. I was thrilled when I found out my license plate number started with my so-called "lucky number", six.

I'm not sure why I've thought it was my lucky number - I think it started when my mom's cousin's son (first cousin once removed?) was into astrology/numerology and he told me that 6 was auspicious for me.

That was years ago - at least ten years ago. Ever since then six has been my lucky number.

It seems to work out OK.

Quiet Weekend

I'm having a quiet weekend this week.

I came directly home from work last night, and promptly fell asleep. Minus a "break" to take a shower, I woke up around 10:30 this morning.

I did a little shopping, then went to my acupuncture appointment.

I painted my toes, and now I think I'm going to do some laundry, followed by a riveting workout at the gym tonight. Hopefully the gym will be nice and quiet.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and clean my apartment a little bit, then go play Dungeons & Dragons with some friends.

I'm definitely not going to try and think about the mess that is my social life.

I Don't Understand

I've been reading a lot about this Armenian Genocide business in the news. This whole issue really confounds me, for several reasons.

First, why is this such a big deal with Turkey? It is what it is, and what happened in Turkey in the past does not necessarily reflect on Turkey in the present. We don't condemn Germany and Japan for what some Germans and some Japanese did in WWII anymore. (Right guys? We've moved beyond that, haven't we?) We don't condemn ourselves for what we did to Japanese Americans in WWII, do we?

Secondly, what's the horrible bad thing about us losing a base in Turkey? I mean, we *are* trying to get *out* of Iraq and Afghanistan, right?

Thirdly, acknowledging that humans do terrible things to each other sometimes isn't necessarily a bad thing, right?

If someone can help me out here, please feel free to.

Floating on Cloud Nine

This is a narcissistic post. You've been warned.

I was at the gym yesterday and noticed something when I got on the treadmill to do my run/walk.

I don't have time to go to the gym every day so I do a combined lift-and-run on Mondays and Wednesdays, and then usually do a combined workout on Saturday and a run only on Sunday. I've only been following this schedule for a couple weeks.

Anyway, I was wearing a slim-cut t-shirt yesterday at the gym - it's made out of cotton and not one of the sweat-wicking fabrics, so I took it off because it wouldn't have been comfortable to run in. So I'm running in a sports bra and shorts.

At the gym I go to there's a wall of mirrors in front of the cardio machines (in front of probably 80% of the equipment there, actually). While I was running I noticed that the muscles in my shoulders and upper arms looked really defined, and that made me feel good about myself. I noticed that about my legs, too, but to a lesser extent.

I was with a fellow recently and he mentioned he really liked my tummy, which is, in my opinion, the part of me that needs the most work. It's where my body likes to store fat (as opposed to the hips/thighs like for most women), and I think it's the body part that makes me most self-conscious. That made me feel really good, because this guy is saying, "not only I accept what you consider to be your biggest physical flaw, but I dig it!"

At any rate, it does good things for the ego.

I've been doing a lot of good things for myself, taking care of myself better. I think it's showing. I'm really leading a full life and I have this little sweet thing going on with a fellow; it's like that perfect cup of coffee and tidbit of dessert after a fantastic meal - he just really makes my day. Everything is in it's place and I'm starting to get concerned it might stagnate there. Maybe that won't be a bad thing - who knows?

Second Monitor

Today's Dilbert is really good. Watch out though, I think it will only be up for a month.

Sorry I haven't been blogging much; I've been keeping busy, and all my blogs end up being really personal and I don't want to be putting that crap out in the bloggerverse.

Knott's Scary Farm 2007!

I went to Knott's Scary Farm last night.

I had, for want of a better, more intense, more descriptive phrase, a blast. Everyone in our party of six got spooked at least twice.

Some friends from my happy hour group got together and we carpooled down to Buena Park. For dinner we went to the pre-scare dinner special buffet - Mrs. Knott's fried chicken, mashed potatoes, assorted salads, dinner rolls (with boysenberry jam!) and pie. I, of course, had to have a slice of the boysenberry pie. The fried chicken was most delicious.

Entering the park, the first maze we went to was the Beowulf-themed maze. It's very easy to startle me, so everyone wanted me on point for most of the evening. The Beowulf maze was one of my favorites of the night. The photo above was taken when I exited the maze, and was so delighted I started jumping up and down waiting for my friends. The ghoul came up to me and asked me why I was jumping up and down. "Because I'm happy!" I replied. "Happy? I'm happy and I'm not jumping up and down."

For some reason when I get spooked, my natural reaction is to scream, then laugh hysterically. Maybe that means I can laugh at myself?

We went to the hanging show at 9:30. This was pretty much a plotless 15 minute gore-filled satire of pop culture, ending with a public "hanging". They fit in so many things, from Alec Baldwin's parenting skills to David & Posh Spice to Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. The movie 300 to American Idol. It was a brilliantly scripted performance.

I got really scared at the Lore of the Vampire maze - there was a guy sitting in a chair. I *knew* his whole purpose of being there was to scare people. And he succeeded in scaring me anyway! Oh, it was good times.

There were a couple other good mazes - the psychedelic Feary Tales in 3D was, to my imagination, what nightmares on acid would be like. The Clown College maze and the Asylum Maze were really good too, and my friends like the Red Beard's Revenge maze. We weren't as impressed with The Grudge 2 Maze, but mostly because the "scare quality" wasn't consisted throughout. It started out really creepy and then became less so by the end of the maze.

Throughout the park there are goon and ghouls wandering around for the sole purpose of catching you off-guard and scaring you. It's great fun watching one of them (or a pair!) set up a scare.

We ended up leaving around midnight - by then the park was completely packed and we opted to avoid the traffic problems of leaving later (it was raining a bit and traffic would have been horrid around 2:00 AM). We were pretty much scared out by then too. I didn't know there was an upper threshold to how much scaring you could handle in a night.

This Isn't No White Wedding!

I have no words to describe my disgust in reaction to this essay.

Talk about ****ing people up for life.

One way you could look at it is that, for some, necessary "beauty" is necessary pain. And risk of death. The other way you could look at it is some seriously screwed up people got together one day a long while ago and decided this would be something cool to do, and people since then have continued the tradition. And then a female anthropologist with a video camera comes along and supports all of that.

Someone is probably going to give me hell for this. That's OK. I think as people we should respect other cultures, but not at the expense of someone's health. Not at the expense of a person's future ability to live a life without pain.

You circumcise a male and after a while there's no pain. Everything still works. In some cases (I personally know of one) it's actually better for a guy to get circumcised. You circumcise a female and you pretty much diminish her ability to enjoy sex. It hurts her to urinate, to menstruate. You've psychologically scarred her. In some cases the girl dies. Someone explain to me how that could be "right", in any culture!

The other day at the salon the waxer told me that I should have "10,000 kids" because I wasn't writhing in pain on her table. I should have said, "girl, this ain't nothin' compared to female circumcision!"

The evil people do to each other makes me sick.

Everyone Wants My Wednesday

The stars must be in alignment today for me.

Or something.

A little over a week ago, a friend invited me over to visit her and her boyfriend (who is visiting from out-of-town) tonight. I accepted because hey, she's my best girlfriend in California, I'd like to hang out with her and her boyfriend, and I didn't have plans at the time.

On Monday a fellow asked me if he could take me to the movies tonight, and today another friend asked me what I was doing tonight.

What's up with this Wednesday?

My horoscope from the LA Times isn't being helpful:

Profit, health and happiness spring from the work you do -- as long as it has integrity. So don't worry about impressing your people, only about bringing them value.

I guess this depends on what "work" and "value" means in this context.

Not to mention this whole scheduling situation means that my evil plan to keep myself socialized must be working.

Bento Today

I finally started to bring my Mr. Bento into work again.

Took me long enough, didn't it?

Here's what I have:

Top Container - Microwave steamed broccoli
Second Container - Celery sticks filled with Skippy Natural Peanut Butter (it's truly the best I've ever had)
Rice Container - Cheese Mashed Potatoes (probably not good for the diet, but oh so delicious)
Soup Container - Salmon Filet from CostCo (they have these huge bags of frozen, individually wrapped salmon filets, halibut filets, and chicken breasts for a pretty good deal)

I also started working out last week (again) - this week I'm getting serious and am going to start weight training. With the way my schedule goes nowadays, I can only work out on Mondays, Wednesdays, and the weekend. Maybe that's enough.

Livin' La Vida Solo

I hit a roadbump this morning on my way to Single Female Liberation.

Mainly, how do you, uh, satisfy certain desires, without the aid of a 2nd party?

I don't have an answer. So sorry if you came here looking for one. If you have an answer that does not involve electricity-operated devices, please let me know.

I don't want to be in a relationship right now. Last week proved that to me. But now I want to know what I'm supposed to do with all of that. How does one remain adequately socialized without sacrificing essentials like sleep and food? What's the best work-out plan to quickly sculpt the perfect female form?

What will become more pressing is, how does a single girl move all of her "stuff" and furniture across town? I hope my dear friends who I've recently rediscovered/noticed will step up to the challenge.

I still don't know if I can have children. What does this mean when put into context of WTF I'm supposed to be doing here on Earth?

I still like the idea of getting married to someone someday. But right now, and as far as my short-term future (next five years) is concerned, I can't have someone I can't depend on drag me down.

That sounds really bad. But I've been somewhat stupid in my relationships, and until I get smarter (and until the boys get smarter), I have no business putting my time and energy that would be put towards things for me (like a higher degree or a promotion) into someone who isn't going to deliver.

I'm way off the meet market. This auction closed unsold.

Tied To Ideals

Anne Frank's Tree Wins Reprieve

It never ceases to amaze me how much we value ideas, especially those ideas pertaining to hope, freedom, and happiness. Those ideas enrich our souls and give meaning to life.

I think this is why I enjoy reading dystopian fiction so much - in forcing a society to live up to an ideal, the society ends up robbing the people belonging to it the very things most societies (and people) should value most.

I really hope they can save the tree, because it gave Anne Frank hope, and that physical representation of her hope in a dark time gives us all hope. But if it's felled, I hope they would be able to plant another tree in its' place.

I remember visiting the Anne Frank house when I was in Amsterdam a few years ago (not so few - it was June of 1999). I can't believe they were able to fit so many people in that small space. It's no wonder to me that Anne would look outside the only window she could, and gazed.

User Interface Design Flaw

On my new car I have a keyless entry similar to this one. It's actually kind of ingenious, to have the keyless entry on the key itself instead of on a key fob.

The biggest problem I have with it is that I tend to accidentally press the buttons when I'm just holding the key (or trying to start the car). My suggestion to improve it is to put the buttons on the side of the key, leaving the driver to grip the key in a "normal" way without having to worry if he/she just unlocked all their car doors. The key is big enough that you could fit buttons on the side of the key and I think it would be slightly more intuitive that the current user interface.

Hey. It's just an idea.

The Allure of the Manual Transmission

I feel safe commenting on this, because a close friend of mine and I are in consensus, and the theory must hold some water.

There's something essentially attractive about a man who can drive a stick-shift. Perhaps it's "just a stereotype". The message seems to be "I can drive a manual transmission - I can 'handle' my car", perhaps alluding to the message "I can 'handle' my woman" (not in a bad or misogynistic way!). This is the way my friend describes it. I don't think it's a very satisfactory description of this intangible feeling.

It's a very masculine, "I'm in control of my domain" vibe. It's something I find very attractive.

I don't know any female friends who can drive a stick-shift, so I'm not sure what riding with them might be like.

Of course, this quality has zero correlation with the asshole rating of the driver. Ride at your own risk.

I'm A Leaf On The Wind - Watch Me Soar

I don't know what happened the past couple of days that turned my mood around.

Okay, I have an idea, but I never knew that it would bring me into the happiest state I've ever known myself to be in. I wish I could share the gritty details but it's a little too personal to share with the world. Some secrets are best left secrets.

I feel like everything is clicking for me and my life and I'm just living Life up! It's very soul-fulfilling and I totally dig that!

A friend told me today that he has never seen me happier - even when I was with the guy I used to be so in love with.

I've started working out again, and that feels great.

I've been mega productive at work, and that feels great.

I've been scoping out some dating prospects - there's a super cute guy in my Chinese class, and there's a couple others I've picked up on my SONAR. The net has been cast, and I'm in no hurry to reel anyone in.

My social life is going to be incredible the next couple of weeks - I've got all sorts of parties and fun things planned. I'm going to a friend's party this Saturday (an excuse to dig out the Little Black Dress, high heels and hairspray), and Knott's Scary Farm next Friday. I'll probably go dancing the week after that.

I feel so high on life - it's been kicked into fifth gear and shows no signs of slowing down!

I'm a leaf on the wind - watch me soar!

Movie Review - The Kingdom

I watched The Kingdom the other night, which I enjoyed.

I watched the movie at The Bridge Cinema de lux at Howard Hughes Center. There happens to be a bar at the theater, and they play really great music to dance to. I recommend they move the tables around to make room for a dance floor instead of crowding it with tables and uncomfortable-looking chairs.

Anyway, back to the movie. It's basically a political commentary in action form. The premise is fairly ridiculous - an FBI team goes to Saudi Arabia to help the Saudis investigate a terrorist attack (against Americans) in Riyadh.

The film doesn't paint all Saudis as bad people, or all Americans as good people, which is refreshing. The movie's punchline at the end was predictible and heavy-handed; I think the same message could have been done differently with better effect.

Chris Cooper steals every scene he's in. Jennifer Garner gets the award for female-empowerment-fight-scene and the token "give a kid some candy" scene.

All in all, I enjoyed the film and recommend it. It's a non-retarded action film that's worth the admission price.

James Blunt & All The Lost Souls

On a whim I bought James Blunt's new CD, All The Lost Souls, at a Starbucks yesterday. I'm always hesitant to buy new music from someone I don't absolutely love, because what if the music sucks?

Good thing I enjoyed the CD. Blunt is kind of tricky, because his famous stuff is so spirit-dampening. As a collection, the songs on his sophomore release work well together and the overall tone is bittersweet yet hopeful. Right now that's about where I am emotionally and it feels pretty good.

There's something almost delicate about Blunt's lyrics and his voice. I'm not sure if it's "nice", but it feels raw and expressive to me. I like that.

Tracks include:

1973 - this is the first single from his album, and it's getting a lot of airplay. There's something very "Summer of '69" about this song that I like.
One of the Brightest Stars
I'll Take Everything
Same Mistake
Carry You Home - This is really the perfect example of the depressing/hopeful tonal juxtaposition. There's a tenderness in his voice here that I really like.
Give Me Some Love - This is, in my opinion, the epitome of Blunt's 1970's homage to music, drugs, and free love. It's a fun sounding song, although the lyrics are quite troubling.
I Really Want You - His voice is especially delicate here.
Shine On
Annie
I Can't Hear The Music

Talk It Like A Man

Talk It Like A Man

I don't think forming my own version of the Lonely Hearts Club is going to make things better, but I think some of the other things (mainly digging into my hobbies again, getting my apartment all nice and frilly again, etc.) will be most helpful.

My music preferences have gone from James Blunt to Hinder, so I think I'll be OK eventually. Maybe next week I'll be listening to bubblegum girl-power stuff (Destiny's Child, anyone?) and the week after I'll be just fine.

I made a profile on OKCupid, but all my matches look like duds to me. I really don't think I'm going to find The Love Of My Life online, but at least looking at possibilities is a start. To be honest, I don't even think I'm ready to start dating again. Maybe after the new year.

What I Don't Get

I don't understand why people get license plate frames that announce to the world what make/model their car is.

I mean, yes, it matches the car, but don't I already know you drive a Mercedes by looking at the logo on the trunk (I think "boot" is the British term)?

One of those weird things I guess.

Six Months

We would have been six months today.

Six months if we were right for one another.

Six months if I wasn't insecure or if he wasn't just out of a marriage that, from what I've been told, shouldn't have taken place. Of course later I found out that, like apparently a lot of other young men, he wasn't looking for a Special Someone - just someone special for now.

It's just nothing now. Just another day.

I was going to mope around the house all day. Instead I went for a bike ride up to Manhattan Beach with my neighbor, and then bought a pattern and some fabric for a summer dress. (I want to play with my new sewing machine!) I also bought a copy of The Art of Happiness. I feel like I must have a lot to learn about letting go of suffering.

But instead of all that, it could have been six months.

Movie Review - The Brave One

I went to Jodie Foster's new movie, The Brave One, last night. It's gotten great reviews. I was not disappointed, and I highly recommend the movie.

I ended up drawing a few parallels to the movie and what's going on with my life (emotionally) right now. I don't think that's entirely fair (to myself or the movie), but it made me feel better about myself and about my place in the world, so I can't complain about that! At the very least, the movie was good enough for women to empathize with the main character. It was very credible.

No, my lover didn't die. But the breakup was unexpected and almost out-of-the-blue, at least for me.

What ends up happening? You become a stranger to yourself. You become someone else.

Bury my heart and let it sprout forth a new organism, more savage and wild than the previous host, more intrepid and vulnerably feminine - the ne plus ultra of feminine strength.

And I will fear no more.

Well, Crap

So I thought a fun project that would occupy some time (and also be productive) would be to make my own version of this "Leetle Bag".

I was at JoAnn's the other day and found this really pretty, sheer navy blue material dotted with glitter and tiny rhinestones (to look like stars), and thought it would be great for a dice bag (for my Dungeons and Dragons game - I need a new one because my original set of dice walked off with the dice bag, perhaps never to be seen again). I don't have a sewing machine and I felt that this wouldn't be hard to hand-stitch together. Yes, I need a sanity check - it would take me a half-hour to sew this if I had a machine set-up and ready-to-go.

I found another "starscape"-like cotton material to serve as the lining of the "Leetle Bag". I bought a fat quarter because it's the perfect size (18" x 22") for the bag - you don't actually have to buy 3/8 yard (as per the directions). I did end up buying 3/8 yard of the sheer material because it obviously doesn't come in fat quarters. I also bought a yard of navy blue cording (it's fairly light cord, but I couldn't find a cord I liked that was the right "weight") and navy blue thread to match the fabric.

I've altered the directions slightly and am cutting one rectangle of 9-1/4" x 21", instead of two 9-1/4" x 10-1/2" pieces. (I just noticed I screwed up the math already - and I'm a math minor! What's up with this?)

I'm already stuck. I noticed last night that, if I made the bag following the directions, the wrong-side of the cotton material would be on the outside of the bag, and I would lose the cool effect of the two materials that I had hoped for. However, if I further altered the directions so that the right-side of the cotton material was facing out, my dice would be subjugated to the wrong-side of the fabric, and the interior of the bag wouldn't be neatly finished.

I have a solution. I could go back to JoAnn's, find the cotton fabric on a bolt and get a 3/8 yard swatch. Then I could cut a rectangle 9-1/4" x 38" and sew it to make an inner bag where both the outside and the inside were the "right side" of the fabric. I would still have the problem where there are seams showing on whichever side I decide they're on, but it would be slightly more ideal.

Alternatively, I could go back to JoAnns, get another fat quarter of the cotton, and make an "inner inner bag" or (more likely) use it as a lining for the sheer fabric. I think I like that idea better as the cotton will "stabilize" the sheer fabric, which is very slippery.

I also noticed after-the-fact that the sheer fabric doesn't have the glittery pieces equally distributed, so one side of the bag will be noticeably different from the other side of the bag in terms of how "starry" it looks. Which means that I will have to either (A) live with it, or (B) go back and buy another 3/8 yard and cut it so the glittery pieces are more evenly distributed. Because I'm a perfectionist, I think I'll go for option (B).

Furthermore, I also think that I'm going to get my iron out, undo the (tiny amount) of work that I did last night, and draw some lines to follow when I'm stitching this stuff together. Eyeballing doesn't work and makes for very uneven stitches.

And this was supposed to be just a fun project.

Gems of Wisdom

Over the past few days I've been collecting little pearls of insightful things that I've found or that people have told me. A couple of them are from Psychology Today, which, while I think they sometimes have insightful advice, are more pop-psi than real-psi. I felt them worthy enough to share.

Happiness, then, is the confidence that pain and disappointment can be tolerated, that love will prove stronger than aggression. It is release from the attachment to pleasant feelings, and faith in the capacity of awareness to guide us through the inevitable insults to our own narcissism. It is the realization that we do not have to be so self-obsessed, that within our own minds lies the capacity for a kind of acceptance we had only dreamed of. This happiness rarely comes without effort to train [the] mind.

How to Move On: With difficulty. The loss of a relationship is never easy to endure. Rejection is always a blow to our deepest sense of self. Most people use all available means for coping. They talk to friends, let out the pain in tears or in writing. Both help you gain perspective on what was right and what wrong about the relationship, so you can avoid the same mistakes in the future. Resilient people also do things that nourish a positive sense of self. They get extra exercise. Or throw themselves into an absorbing project. Remember, all intimate relationships are practice runs until all the pieces fall into place. View your recent relationship as a rehearsal opportunity for the real thing.

My dearest ex-prof Lou has said a couple good things too:

You need to work out whether dating (or what kind of dating etc) works for you. I can't say you would be bad off with a b/f in grad school; but I have seen for myself, that grad school is, or can be, a really challenging experience. A lot of people drop out, for all kinds of good reasons. So if you want to make it through grad school, you want to arrange everything in life into two piles (a) the things that will help you get through (b) the things that won't. Then make the A pile as big as you can, and the B pile as small as you can. A supportive and sturdy b/f or g/f can definitely go in the A pile. But (alas) a flaky mindfucker is surely in the B pile. I did not have a g/f in grad school, but I had a woman I was insanely in love with, who did not give in proportion to what I gave (I thought) - and so her presence in my life was really in the B pile, completely. But I only worked this out about 95% the way through my PhD. The last 100 yards of the mountain were the hardest part to climb, when I realized I had climbed all that way, and she would not be my prize awaiting me at the top. So it goes. I have no shortage of stupidity in my past. There are scads of attractive men around you, I have no doubt, but you want to be really really selective, when you are before or in grad school. A lot of men cannot really STAND the idea of a woman who is (a) brighter (b) more successful (c) more independent than a man. These are the ones to avoid, regardless of how luscious they look...

And this one:

The main thing I hope you hold fast to, in your heart, is your own sense of worth. So many people (often women) think they are worth less than they really are, and consequently accept b.s. that no decent soul should have to put up with. You are worthy of a good man, and good men are out there, but you have to say 'no' to all the dubious ones... ("My Former Students Do Not Coddle The Weak." ---ex-Klingon Montana Tech Instructor)

We Live in Interesting Times

Taiwan may File Lawsuit in World Court for UN Membership

U.S. Mixes Taiwan Message

I'm all for Taiwan being recognized as its own country.

That would rock the casbah.

Oh THAT'S Why

I theorize he is a False Messiah (DBLM).

The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. Your exact female opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD) Consider: The Loverboy (RGLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

What Happiness Is

Opening Up To Happiness

I quote the "Psychology Today" article:

Happiness, then, is the confidence that pain and disappointment can be tolerated, that love will prove stronger than aggression. It is release from the attachment to pleasant feelings, and faith in the capacity of awareness to guide us through the inevitable insults to our own narcissism. It is the realization that we do not have to be so self-obsessed, that within our own minds lies the capacity for a kind of acceptance we had only dreamed of. This happiness rarely comes without effort to train [the] mind.

Bento For Cheap Bastards

I got this link from Lunch in a Box and was amused.

I like the idea of mixing cheese in with rice and putting ham on top, although I'm not sure how palatable that will be to me when I actually try it.

I really like soaking hard-boiled eggs in tea or a soy sauce brine.

I need to start bringing Bento to work again. I kind of stalled on that when I lost the vent cap on my soup bowl (which reminds me I need to order another soup bowl, and probably another set of bowls so I don't have to do dishes every night). If packed correctly, I end up bringing way too much food. Maybe I should scale back and get some round Tupperware bowls or something.

I don't know why I'm even thinking about food. I've lost my appetite.

Loss Of A Great Love

I lost a Great Love tonight.

I have no one with whom to share my bed, my food, my home, or my life with. Not to mention my dreams, the great sorrows and triumphs of life, and my soul.

I've cried so hard for so long my throat feels like sandpaper. I look a mess. I can't sleep - I had to force myself to eat tonight.

Yet I still breathe. Why?

I think of the experiences I won't get to have with him. I think of the experiences we've shared that we won't get to share again. I think on happier days when we were drunk with the new pangs of love.

How sad it would be to never love again. But to hope that the next Great Love would be the last, how great and wonderful that would be!

How futile a hope. I can't seem to get a relationship to last more than a few precious months. Before I met this man, I thought my heart was irreparably broken, that I could never truly love again.

Tonight I cannot stand the thought of falling in love at all.

I won't ever get to see him sleeping next to me. I won't ever be close enough to smell his skin or whisper sweet thoughts into his ear.

I face the world alone. Tomorrow I face Unforgiving Life and I must press on. To mourn would be to falter, and I have no one to save me now.

Let's Worry About The Right Things

Worry About The Right Things
Beer Runners' Flour Trail a Recipe For Trouble

I really can't believe the New Haven eye doctor and his sister are being charged with breach of peace. It's absolutely ludicrous!

I think the prosecutor will have a difficult time proving intent.

I can understand why someone would overreact and freak out, but instead of saying, "oops, false alarm", they charge the people who were doing something completely innocent and unrelated to terrorism with a felony. Can't our taxes be put to a better use?

J.H.C. Worry that your fire department can't communicate with your police department or E.M.T.s in the event of a real emergency. Worry the same for our soldiers and Marines on-the-ground in Iraq and Afghanistan. Then do something about it. Worry that high blood pressure and obesity is going to kill you. Don't let fear run your life, because once you do you turn your security over to people who may or may not have your best interests in mind. Don't think of security as a defensive precaution - think of it as proactive, offensive measures that encompasses a broad scope.

So Here We Go

This thing has already been beaten to death. Why I feel compelled to comment on it, I don't know. Maybe it's because I think entertainers' job is to look good and entertain us, and that points should be given for effort. I know that's not how the world works.

Also, it's really a great thing to see someone overcome adversity. We cheer along because we hope that if we sink to our lowest lows that we can one day rise again.

So anyway, here we go. Onto the Britney Spears Video Music Awards thing.

I honestly don't think it was that bad of a performance. I don't think it was good, but I don't think it was the ship-sinking wreck that people (especially the media) are making it out to be.

I think she should have gone with a different costume, but that wasn't my call (obviously).

She may or may not have had a drink or two before hitting the stage. I don't know how this would affect her performance anxiety. When I have a drink I usually want to get up and dance!

I'm a supporter of the theory there was something funky going on with her right boot (although I do think it's possible to dance in heels effectively). She seems (to me) fairly confidant when the song starts (she opens with a cover of Elvis' "Trouble") and then right after she starts the song she heavily favors her right leg. If you watch her closely enough you can tell she doesn't put her weight fully on that leg unless she's walking (in which case she can walk on the ball of her foot and 'fake' it) or if she's interacting with another dancer and can count on him/her for support if the heel fails.

I am obviously not a professional dancer, but I have done my fair share of performance dancing. I've always learned dances in chunks, and if you flub a move it's hard to get back to where you were in the dance. I theorize that the funky boot threw her off enough so that she had trouble remembering the next move, so waited until it was time to move to the next chunk of the dance.

For the record, the two times backup dancers help her onto and off of the riser on the stage, I definitely think those were choregraphed dance moves, and not just a backup dancer thinking that was the helpful thing to do at the moment.

I know that doesn't explain why she didn't take off the boots when the problem started - it's possible she didn't think she could work it in to the routine.

Here is a video of the evidence someone compiled. Even if the photos are altered, there's a tiny clip in the video (at 2:27) that I think would be difficult to alter on short notice (and look accurate).
Here is a video of her performance.
Here is a video clip of her rehearsal, which I think shows she feels confidant with some of the dance moves.

Anniversary

A year ago today, I moved to L.A.

I feel like it was only a few days ago, yet I feel that some part of me has grown, developed, changed in my malleable way. The other day my neighbor commented that he's really enjoyed watching my transition from small town college girl to big city working girl.

Change doesn't happen overnight. Time is a constant - it doesn't move faster or slower - only our perception changes.

When I was in school, it felt like time dragged by so slowly. I viewed things in semester blocks. Now I view time in pay period blocks, interspersed in between elusive "productive weekends".

I tried foods like jerk chicken, hummus, tabbouleh, saganaki, avgolemono, thai iced tea, chicken yellow curry, miso soup, and sushi. I once had chicken feet and tripe at dim sum. I've been tango dancing in Hollywood and clubbing in Hermosa. I saw a live show at the Greek Theater.

I don't feel any different. I'm the same person.

Yet less of who I was and more of who I should be.

Restaurant Review - Outback Steakhouse

I went to Outback Steakhouse the other night. They don't really need an advertisement from me, but I like their food.

My sweetheart and I shared a blooming onion, the appetizer Outback is renowned for. Then we were so full we had to share an entree. We split the Victoria Crowned filet mignon with crumbled blue cheese on top. I'm not sure why I love steak with blue cheese so much. It's a great combination of flavors.

I tried their blended peach bellini (Wallabay Damned?), which was really yummy. It wasn't too sweet, which most mixed drinks tend to be.

Probably expensive enough for a "nice" date, but casual enough you don't need to dress up. It's really a good Friday night "let's go out to eat" experience. Just don't try to split a blooming onion between two people.

Outback Steakhouse
21880 Hawthorne Blvd
Torrance, CA 90503
(310) 793-5555

Vu Villa Pizza

I woke up this morning and had a craving for Vu Villa pizza. Which would be fine except for the fact that the Vu Villa is in Butte, Montana, and I'm here in L.A. I'm fairly certain they don't deliver interstate. This is a sad thing. I guess I'll have to wait until they start marketing frozen Vu Villa pizzas at my local grocery store.

The pizza from Vu Villa has this thin, almost crunchy, crust. The sauce is really good and they have all these different "specialty" pizzas named after things concerning Tech, Butte, and mining in general. (Have they named one after Coach Green yet?) They also make pizzas-to-order.

My favorite pizza from Vu Villa (I can't remember the name) has pepperoni and sausage on it, topped further by mushrooms and other veggies, with the option of added jalepeno peppers. This tear-enducing concoction is most delicious - I highly recommend it.

An ex-boyfriend (actually ex-fiance, but we won't go there) of mine used to work there. I didn't know he worked there until I decided to have pizza for dinner one night, and Vu Villa was the closest for me to walk to. I didn't see him behind the counter until after I entered the restaurant, and by then I was pretty committed to eat pizza so I couldn't really leave.

I think by then the call of the pizza god was stronger than the call to avoid an awkward social situation anyway.

I remember he was really angry that I was there, like he never expected me to show up at his work even though we both went to the same small school and Vu Villa was a popular hangout. I remember wondering why he was so angry because by then it had been two or three years since we broke up. I guess there were still lots of strange, unresolved feelings lingering. I remember he was so upset that he botched the credit slip (accidentially charging me $135.00, instead of $13.50 - I may not have the exact number correct but you know what I mean) and had to run a refund credit slip for me. Then when he was boxing my pizza it ended up on the floor, so it had to be remade.

Maybe he was just having a bad day - I don't think he was trying to do all of those things on purpose. Even though he used to harrass me and say really mean things to me if he saw me out on the town and he was with his friends. I used to go out alone because I couldn't get any of my closer friends to go with me - Butte is a safe enough town and I really just wanted to go dancing and maybe see some people I knew.

I've digressed. This is supposed to be about the deliciousness that is Vu Villa Pizza. If you're in Butte tonight and have the opportunity to wander into Uptown, please go to Vu Villa and have a slice for me.

Vu Villa Pizza
521 W. Park St.
Butte, MT 59701
(406) 723-9885

I Misjudged

He had a rich, deep voice. He made jokes and laughed easily. His voice belonged to a man who, in high school, was six feet tall and played lineback for the football team.

I envisioned him wearing a suit and a lilac tie, doing his best to do good things for his clients and his company. He was on his way up the ladder and he was going to do it in style.

I thought he was African American.

I was wrong.

When I met him I didn't recognize him.

He was my height, and Asian. He wore mechanics' coveralls.

Car Shopping

Just call me the Jeep Slayer.

I'm in the market for buying a new car. I think, living in the city, fuel economy and reliability (especially in a car-centric city like L.A.) are paramount.

I've been thinking about the Toyota Yaris. I took a test drive the other day and it wasn't bad; the worst thing I could tell was that the engine doesn't seem to like accelerating at low speeds. From a full stop it really groans to get to 25 MPH. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but that's what it seemed like to me. Since I'm not a speed demon (usually) I don't think that would be a problem for me.

My favorite feature of the Yaris is all the little hiding spots it has. My inner spy just loves the idea that I could have 'secret' hiding places for things like maps, spare keys, etc. Toyota must have had some usability engineers design the interior. While I didn't really care for the climate controls too much, I like that they're designed so if the driver is wearing gloves he or she doesn't have to take the gloves off to fuss with them.

If you're a Yaris owner, I'd love to hear if you've had any problems with your Yaris, or if you think it's the best car you've ever owned, or anything in between. I'd also consider other car recommendations.

Josh Groban at the Honda Center

I saw Josh Groban at the Honda Center Saturday night. It was a good show, although I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as the Michael Buble concert. The OC Register reviewed both the Josh Groban and the Michael Buble show.

I think the problem I have with Josh Groban isn't something that Josh Groban can solve. I have a strong adversion for anything I feel is overly popular or substance lacking (if you go to Disneyland, you will feel what I mean). Or maybe I have a hard time with soft, romantic music that doesn't really convince me the singer is any more than a voice. Maybe that's it. I'm not attracted to soft, sappy, romantic types (although I myself am fairly sappy), or their accompanying music. I'm still in my "self-described bad ass" stage.

Regardless, the concert was enjoyable. He's developing a very eclectic style that I'm not sure I really like, although I can see his appeal to others. I think my favorite song he sang from the concert was "In Her Eyes", during which he wandered throughout the crowd. Other songs I enjoyed from the concert were: Aléjate, Un Dia Llegara, You Are Loved (Don't Give Up), You Raise Me Up, and Remember When It Rained.

Is it awful that my favorite performance from the concert was when violinist Lucia Micarelli led the band in a classically-infused cover of Led Zepplin's Kashmir? I also thought cellist Colette Alexander was fantastic.

Mormons Are People Too

I am at times very critical of people who are LDS. I don't think LDS members are bad people, or that they're evil. Most of my extended family is LDS, with various levels of devotion.

Sometimes I forget about all of that when I talk about the religion, because there are so many things I don't like about what that religion does to the people who don't fit in with them. In my subjective experience, that religion does bad things for people and bad things for society.

For the devout, their subjective experience is very different from my own. They fit in and it works for them. I think that's a good thing generally. Maybe in the bigger picture, it's not a good thing because I think (because of my subjective experiences) that particular flavor of religion is really good at breaking people and causing a lot of dysfunction.

I read something interesting online today about talking with Scientologists. I think there's a lot of universal truth there that can apply to talking with mormons.

One of my dearest friends is LDS. She's smart - earning her master's degree in nursing while working at the same time. She loves her family and wants to be close to them. A while back I mentioned that I was living with my boyfriend (we're not living together anymore, but I digress). She said something in reference to cohabitation, something like, "I couldn't do something illegal." (Illegal was the key word I remember her using) I thought that was a misguided statement, even though I didn't tell her so.

We don't talk about religion. I think it would break the friendship if we did. But I like being her friend and I definitely do think we get something positive out of being friends with one another.

I've had many discussions with a fellow I knew in high school, a returned missionary. Reality check - trying to have a rational conversation about religion with an otherwise-intelligent adherant of said religion is highly unproductive. You can show them blatent black-and-white proof of a religion's brokenness and it's like dust on a Pledge-protected tabletop.

I still think it's fair game to go after modest dresses called "Lolita", though. That's just ridiculous, and I've never read the book.

And here are some well-put-together truths you can read.

I think on some level I need to just accept that I had a substandard education and environment in my adolescence, and be OK with that. Last night I was at my book club (we had read an essay on existentialism) and I had absolutely zero to contribute, mostly because:

1) I know very, very little about philosophy
2) I know even less about existentialism
3) I thought the essay was difficult to read

On the drive home, my boyfriend asked me if I took philosophy in high school, and was shocked to find out that, not only did I not take philosophy in high school, but that it was never offered.

Guess what - I didn't have to read Camus (The Stranger was another book club selection) in high school either. I had never even heard of Camus until last year. So now I can even say that, despite their claims of valuing education, school boards in the hearts of Utah don't require reading something as basic and enjoyable as Camus in high school. Apparently, keeping the literacy level for Utah adults around grade 8 or so is OK and even welcomed.