Friday, September 28, 2007

James Blunt & All The Lost Souls

On a whim I bought James Blunt's new CD, All The Lost Souls, at a Starbucks yesterday. I'm always hesitant to buy new music from someone I don't absolutely love, because what if the music sucks?

Good thing I enjoyed the CD. Blunt is kind of tricky, because his famous stuff is so spirit-dampening. As a collection, the songs on his sophomore release work well together and the overall tone is bittersweet yet hopeful. Right now that's about where I am emotionally and it feels pretty good.

There's something almost delicate about Blunt's lyrics and his voice. I'm not sure if it's "nice", but it feels raw and expressive to me. I like that.

Tracks include:

1973 - this is the first single from his album, and it's getting a lot of airplay. There's something very "Summer of '69" about this song that I like.
One of the Brightest Stars
I'll Take Everything
Same Mistake
Carry You Home - This is really the perfect example of the depressing/hopeful tonal juxtaposition. There's a tenderness in his voice here that I really like.
Give Me Some Love - This is, in my opinion, the epitome of Blunt's 1970's homage to music, drugs, and free love. It's a fun sounding song, although the lyrics are quite troubling.
I Really Want You - His voice is especially delicate here.
Shine On
Annie
I Can't Hear The Music

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Talk It Like A Man

Talk It Like A Man

I don't think forming my own version of the Lonely Hearts Club is going to make things better, but I think some of the other things (mainly digging into my hobbies again, getting my apartment all nice and frilly again, etc.) will be most helpful.

My music preferences have gone from James Blunt to Hinder, so I think I'll be OK eventually. Maybe next week I'll be listening to bubblegum girl-power stuff (Destiny's Child, anyone?) and the week after I'll be just fine.

I made a profile on OKCupid, but all my matches look like duds to me. I really don't think I'm going to find The Love Of My Life online, but at least looking at possibilities is a start. To be honest, I don't even think I'm ready to start dating again. Maybe after the new year.

Monday, September 24, 2007

What I Don't Get

I don't understand why people get license plate frames that announce to the world what make/model their car is.

I mean, yes, it matches the car, but don't I already know you drive a Mercedes by looking at the logo on the trunk (I think "boot" is the British term)?

One of those weird things I guess.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Six Months

We would have been six months today.

Six months if we were right for one another.

Six months if I wasn't insecure or if he wasn't just out of a marriage that, from what I've been told, shouldn't have taken place. Of course later I found out that, like apparently a lot of other young men, he wasn't looking for a Special Someone - just someone special for now.

It's just nothing now. Just another day.

I was going to mope around the house all day. Instead I went for a bike ride up to Manhattan Beach with my neighbor, and then bought a pattern and some fabric for a summer dress. (I want to play with my new sewing machine!) I also bought a copy of The Art of Happiness. I feel like I must have a lot to learn about letting go of suffering.

But instead of all that, it could have been six months.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Movie Review - The Brave One

I went to Jodie Foster's new movie, The Brave One, last night. It's gotten great reviews. I was not disappointed, and I highly recommend the movie.

I ended up drawing a few parallels to the movie and what's going on with my life (emotionally) right now. I don't think that's entirely fair (to myself or the movie), but it made me feel better about myself and about my place in the world, so I can't complain about that! At the very least, the movie was good enough for women to empathize with the main character. It was very credible.

No, my lover didn't die. But the breakup was unexpected and almost out-of-the-blue, at least for me.

What ends up happening? You become a stranger to yourself. You become someone else.

Bury my heart and let it sprout forth a new organism, more savage and wild than the previous host, more intrepid and vulnerably feminine - the ne plus ultra of feminine strength.

And I will fear no more.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Well, Crap

So I thought a fun project that would occupy some time (and also be productive) would be to make my own version of this "Leetle Bag".

I was at JoAnn's the other day and found this really pretty, sheer navy blue material dotted with glitter and tiny rhinestones (to look like stars), and thought it would be great for a dice bag (for my Dungeons and Dragons game - I need a new one because my original set of dice walked off with the dice bag, perhaps never to be seen again). I don't have a sewing machine and I felt that this wouldn't be hard to hand-stitch together. Yes, I need a sanity check - it would take me a half-hour to sew this if I had a machine set-up and ready-to-go.

I found another "starscape"-like cotton material to serve as the lining of the "Leetle Bag". I bought a fat quarter because it's the perfect size (18" x 22") for the bag - you don't actually have to buy 3/8 yard (as per the directions). I did end up buying 3/8 yard of the sheer material because it obviously doesn't come in fat quarters. I also bought a yard of navy blue cording (it's fairly light cord, but I couldn't find a cord I liked that was the right "weight") and navy blue thread to match the fabric.

I've altered the directions slightly and am cutting one rectangle of 9-1/4" x 21", instead of two 9-1/4" x 10-1/2" pieces. (I just noticed I screwed up the math already - and I'm a math minor! What's up with this?)

I'm already stuck. I noticed last night that, if I made the bag following the directions, the wrong-side of the cotton material would be on the outside of the bag, and I would lose the cool effect of the two materials that I had hoped for. However, if I further altered the directions so that the right-side of the cotton material was facing out, my dice would be subjugated to the wrong-side of the fabric, and the interior of the bag wouldn't be neatly finished.

I have a solution. I could go back to JoAnn's, find the cotton fabric on a bolt and get a 3/8 yard swatch. Then I could cut a rectangle 9-1/4" x 38" and sew it to make an inner bag where both the outside and the inside were the "right side" of the fabric. I would still have the problem where there are seams showing on whichever side I decide they're on, but it would be slightly more ideal.

Alternatively, I could go back to JoAnns, get another fat quarter of the cotton, and make an "inner inner bag" or (more likely) use it as a lining for the sheer fabric. I think I like that idea better as the cotton will "stabilize" the sheer fabric, which is very slippery.

I also noticed after-the-fact that the sheer fabric doesn't have the glittery pieces equally distributed, so one side of the bag will be noticeably different from the other side of the bag in terms of how "starry" it looks. Which means that I will have to either (A) live with it, or (B) go back and buy another 3/8 yard and cut it so the glittery pieces are more evenly distributed. Because I'm a perfectionist, I think I'll go for option (B).

Furthermore, I also think that I'm going to get my iron out, undo the (tiny amount) of work that I did last night, and draw some lines to follow when I'm stitching this stuff together. Eyeballing doesn't work and makes for very uneven stitches.

And this was supposed to be just a fun project.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Gems of Wisdom

Over the past few days I've been collecting little pearls of insightful things that I've found or that people have told me. A couple of them are from Psychology Today, which, while I think they sometimes have insightful advice, are more pop-psi than real-psi. I felt them worthy enough to share.

Happiness, then, is the confidence that pain and disappointment can be tolerated, that love will prove stronger than aggression. It is release from the attachment to pleasant feelings, and faith in the capacity of awareness to guide us through the inevitable insults to our own narcissism. It is the realization that we do not have to be so self-obsessed, that within our own minds lies the capacity for a kind of acceptance we had only dreamed of. This happiness rarely comes without effort to train [the] mind.

How to Move On: With difficulty. The loss of a relationship is never easy to endure. Rejection is always a blow to our deepest sense of self. Most people use all available means for coping. They talk to friends, let out the pain in tears or in writing. Both help you gain perspective on what was right and what wrong about the relationship, so you can avoid the same mistakes in the future. Resilient people also do things that nourish a positive sense of self. They get extra exercise. Or throw themselves into an absorbing project. Remember, all intimate relationships are practice runs until all the pieces fall into place. View your recent relationship as a rehearsal opportunity for the real thing.

My dearest ex-prof Lou has said a couple good things too:

You need to work out whether dating (or what kind of dating etc) works for you. I can't say you would be bad off with a b/f in grad school; but I have seen for myself, that grad school is, or can be, a really challenging experience. A lot of people drop out, for all kinds of good reasons. So if you want to make it through grad school, you want to arrange everything in life into two piles (a) the things that will help you get through (b) the things that won't. Then make the A pile as big as you can, and the B pile as small as you can. A supportive and sturdy b/f or g/f can definitely go in the A pile. But (alas) a flaky mindfucker is surely in the B pile. I did not have a g/f in grad school, but I had a woman I was insanely in love with, who did not give in proportion to what I gave (I thought) - and so her presence in my life was really in the B pile, completely. But I only worked this out about 95% the way through my PhD. The last 100 yards of the mountain were the hardest part to climb, when I realized I had climbed all that way, and she would not be my prize awaiting me at the top. So it goes. I have no shortage of stupidity in my past. There are scads of attractive men around you, I have no doubt, but you want to be really really selective, when you are before or in grad school. A lot of men cannot really STAND the idea of a woman who is (a) brighter (b) more successful (c) more independent than a man. These are the ones to avoid, regardless of how luscious they look...

And this one:

The main thing I hope you hold fast to, in your heart, is your own sense of worth. So many people (often women) think they are worth less than they really are, and consequently accept b.s. that no decent soul should have to put up with. You are worthy of a good man, and good men are out there, but you have to say 'no' to all the dubious ones... ("My Former Students Do Not Coddle The Weak." ---ex-Klingon Montana Tech Instructor)

We Live in Interesting Times

Taiwan may File Lawsuit in World Court for UN Membership

U.S. Mixes Taiwan Message


I'm all for Taiwan being recognized as its own country.

That would rock the casbah.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Oh THAT'S Why

I theorize he is a False Messiah (DBLM).

The Sonnet

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

The Sonnet

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

Your exact female opposite:

Genghis Khunt

Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Always avoid: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD)

Consider: The Loverboy (RGLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

What Happiness Is

Opening Up To Happiness

I quote the "Psychology Today" article:

Happiness, then, is the confidence that pain and disappointment can be tolerated, that love will prove stronger than aggression. It is release from the attachment to pleasant feelings, and faith in the capacity of awareness to guide us through the inevitable insults to our own narcissism. It is the realization that we do not have to be so self-obsessed, that within our own minds lies the capacity for a kind of acceptance we had only dreamed of. This happiness rarely comes without effort to train [the] mind.

Bento For Cheap Bastards

I got this link from Lunch in a Box and was amused.

I like the idea of mixing cheese in with rice and putting ham on top, although I'm not sure how palatable that will be to me when I actually try it.

I really like soaking hard-boiled eggs in tea or a soy sauce brine.

I need to start bringing Bento to work again. I kind of stalled on that when I lost the vent cap on my soup bowl (which reminds me I need to order another soup bowl, and probably another set of bowls so I don't have to do dishes every night). If packed correctly, I end up bringing way too much food. Maybe I should scale back and get some round Tupperware bowls or something.

I don't know why I'm even thinking about food. I've lost my appetite.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Loss Of A Great Love

I lost a Great Love tonight.

I have no one with whom to share my bed, my food, my home, or my life with. Not to mention my dreams, the great sorrows and triumphs of life, and my soul.

I've cried so hard for so long my throat feels like sandpaper. I look a mess. I can't sleep - I had to force myself to eat tonight.

Yet I still breathe. Why?

I think of the experiences I won't get to have with him. I think of the experiences we've shared that we won't get to share again. I think on happier days when we were drunk with the new pangs of love.

How sad it would be to never love again. But to hope that the next Great Love would be the last, how great and wonderful that would be!

How futile a hope. I can't seem to get a relationship to last more than a few precious months. Before I met this man, I thought my heart was irreparably broken, that I could never truly love again.

Tonight I cannot stand the thought of falling in love at all.

I won't ever get to see him sleeping next to me. I won't ever be close enough to smell his skin or whisper sweet thoughts into his ear.

I face the world alone. Tomorrow I face Unforgiving Life and I must press on. To mourn would be to falter, and I have no one to save me now.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Let's Worry About The Right Things

Worry About The Right Things
Beer Runners' Flour Trail a Recipe For Trouble

I really can't believe the New Haven eye doctor and his sister are being charged with breach of peace. It's absolutely ludicrous!

I think the prosecutor will have a difficult time proving intent.

I can understand why someone would overreact and freak out, but instead of saying, "oops, false alarm", they charge the people who were doing something completely innocent and unrelated to terrorism with a felony. Can't our taxes be put to a better use?

J.H.C. Worry that your fire department can't communicate with your police department or E.M.T.s in the event of a real emergency. Worry the same for our soldiers and Marines on-the-ground in Iraq and Afghanistan. Then do something about it. Worry that high blood pressure and obesity is going to kill you. Don't let fear run your life, because once you do you turn your security over to people who may or may not have your best interests in mind. Don't think of security as a defensive precaution - think of it as proactive, offensive measures that encompasses a broad scope.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

So Here We Go

This thing has already been beaten to death. Why I feel compelled to comment on it, I don't know. Maybe it's because I think entertainers' job is to look good and entertain us, and that points should be given for effort. I know that's not how the world works.

Also, it's really a great thing to see someone overcome adversity. We cheer along because we hope that if we sink to our lowest lows that we can one day rise again.

So anyway, here we go. Onto the Britney Spears Video Music Awards thing.

I honestly don't think it was that bad of a performance. I don't think it was good, but I don't think it was the ship-sinking wreck that people (especially the media) are making it out to be.

I think she should have gone with a different costume, but that wasn't my call (obviously).

She may or may not have had a drink or two before hitting the stage. I don't know how this would affect her performance anxiety. When I have a drink I usually want to get up and dance!

I'm a supporter of the theory there was something funky going on with her right boot (although I do think it's possible to dance in heels effectively). She seems (to me) fairly confidant when the song starts (she opens with a cover of Elvis' "Trouble") and then right after she starts the song she heavily favors her right leg. If you watch her closely enough you can tell she doesn't put her weight fully on that leg unless she's walking (in which case she can walk on the ball of her foot and 'fake' it) or if she's interacting with another dancer and can count on him/her for support if the heel fails.

I am obviously not a professional dancer, but I have done my fair share of performance dancing. I've always learned dances in chunks, and if you flub a move it's hard to get back to where you were in the dance. I theorize that the funky boot threw her off enough so that she had trouble remembering the next move, so waited until it was time to move to the next chunk of the dance.

For the record, the two times backup dancers help her onto and off of the riser on the stage, I definitely think those were choregraphed dance moves, and not just a backup dancer thinking that was the helpful thing to do at the moment.

I know that doesn't explain why she didn't take off the boots when the problem started - it's possible she didn't think she could work it in to the routine.

Here is a video of the evidence someone compiled. Even if the photos are altered, there's a tiny clip in the video (at 2:27) that I think would be difficult to alter on short notice (and look accurate).
Here is a video of her performance.
Here is a video clip of her rehearsal, which I think shows she feels confidant with some of the dance moves.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Anniversary

A year ago today, I moved to L.A.

I feel like it was only a few days ago, yet I feel that some part of me has grown, developed, changed in my malleable way. The other day my neighbor commented that he's really enjoyed watching my transition from small town college girl to big city working girl.

Change doesn't happen overnight. Time is a constant - it doesn't move faster or slower - only our perception changes.

When I was in school, it felt like time dragged by so slowly. I viewed things in semester blocks. Now I view time in pay period blocks, interspersed in between elusive "productive weekends".

I tried foods like jerk chicken, hummus, tabbouleh, saganaki, avgolemono, thai iced tea, chicken yellow curry, miso soup, and sushi. I once had chicken feet and tripe at dim sum. I've been tango dancing in Hollywood and clubbing in Hermosa. I saw a live show at the Greek Theater.

I don't feel any different. I'm the same person.

Yet less of who I was and more of who I should be.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Restaurant Review - Outback Steakhouse

I went to Outback Steakhouse the other night. They don't really need an advertisement from me, but I like their food.

My sweetheart and I shared a blooming onion, the appetizer Outback is renowned for. Then we were so full we had to share an entree. We split the Victoria Crowned filet mignon with crumbled blue cheese on top. I'm not sure why I love steak with blue cheese so much. It's a great combination of flavors.

I tried their blended peach bellini (Wallabay Damned?), which was really yummy. It wasn't too sweet, which most mixed drinks tend to be.

Probably expensive enough for a "nice" date, but casual enough you don't need to dress up. It's really a good Friday night "let's go out to eat" experience. Just don't try to split a blooming onion between two people.

Outback Steakhouse
21880 Hawthorne Blvd
Torrance, CA 90503
(310) 793-5555

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Vu Villa Pizza

I woke up this morning and had a craving for Vu Villa pizza. Which would be fine except for the fact that the Vu Villa is in Butte, Montana, and I'm here in L.A. I'm fairly certain they don't deliver interstate. This is a sad thing. I guess I'll have to wait until they start marketing frozen Vu Villa pizzas at my local grocery store.

The pizza from Vu Villa has this thin, almost crunchy, crust. The sauce is really good and they have all these different "specialty" pizzas named after things concerning Tech, Butte, and mining in general. (Have they named one after Coach Green yet?) They also make pizzas-to-order.

My favorite pizza from Vu Villa (I can't remember the name) has pepperoni and sausage on it, topped further by mushrooms and other veggies, with the option of added jalepeno peppers. This tear-enducing concoction is most delicious - I highly recommend it.

An ex-boyfriend (actually ex-fiance, but we won't go there) of mine used to work there. I didn't know he worked there until I decided to have pizza for dinner one night, and Vu Villa was the closest for me to walk to. I didn't see him behind the counter until after I entered the restaurant, and by then I was pretty committed to eat pizza so I couldn't really leave.

I think by then the call of the pizza god was stronger than the call to avoid an awkward social situation anyway.

I remember he was really angry that I was there, like he never expected me to show up at his work even though we both went to the same small school and Vu Villa was a popular hangout. I remember wondering why he was so angry because by then it had been two or three years since we broke up. I guess there were still lots of strange, unresolved feelings lingering. I remember he was so upset that he botched the credit slip (accidentially charging me $135.00, instead of $13.50 - I may not have the exact number correct but you know what I mean) and had to run a refund credit slip for me. Then when he was boxing my pizza it ended up on the floor, so it had to be remade.

Maybe he was just having a bad day - I don't think he was trying to do all of those things on purpose. Even though he used to harrass me and say really mean things to me if he saw me out on the town and he was with his friends. I used to go out alone because I couldn't get any of my closer friends to go with me - Butte is a safe enough town and I really just wanted to go dancing and maybe see some people I knew.

I've digressed. This is supposed to be about the deliciousness that is Vu Villa Pizza. If you're in Butte tonight and have the opportunity to wander into Uptown, please go to Vu Villa and have a slice for me.

Vu Villa Pizza
521 W. Park St.
Butte, MT 59701
(406) 723-9885

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I Misjudged

He had a rich, deep voice. He made jokes and laughed easily. His voice belonged to a man who, in high school, was six feet tall and played lineback for the football team.

I envisioned him wearing a suit and a lilac tie, doing his best to do good things for his clients and his company. He was on his way up the ladder and he was going to do it in style.

I thought he was African American.

I was wrong.

When I met him I didn't recognize him.

He was my height, and Asian. He wore mechanics' coveralls.