Talk It Like A Man

Talk It Like A Man

I don't think forming my own version of the Lonely Hearts Club is going to make things better, but I think some of the other things (mainly digging into my hobbies again, getting my apartment all nice and frilly again, etc.) will be most helpful.

My music preferences have gone from James Blunt to Hinder, so I think I'll be OK eventually. Maybe next week I'll be listening to bubblegum girl-power stuff (Destiny's Child, anyone?) and the week after I'll be just fine.

I made a profile on OKCupid, but all my matches look like duds to me. I really don't think I'm going to find The Love Of My Life online, but at least looking at possibilities is a start. To be honest, I don't even think I'm ready to start dating again. Maybe after the new year.

What I Don't Get

I don't understand why people get license plate frames that announce to the world what make/model their car is.

I mean, yes, it matches the car, but don't I already know you drive a Mercedes by looking at the logo on the trunk (I think "boot" is the British term)?

One of those weird things I guess.

Six Months

We would have been six months today.

Six months if we were right for one another.

Six months if I wasn't insecure or if he wasn't just out of a marriage that, from what I've been told, shouldn't have taken place. Of course later I found out that, like apparently a lot of other young men, he wasn't looking for a Special Someone - just someone special for now.

It's just nothing now. Just another day.

I was going to mope around the house all day. Instead I went for a bike ride up to Manhattan Beach with my neighbor, and then bought a pattern and some fabric for a summer dress. (I want to play with my new sewing machine!) I also bought a copy of The Art of Happiness. I feel like I must have a lot to learn about letting go of suffering.

But instead of all that, it could have been six months.

Movie Review - The Brave One

I went to Jodie Foster's new movie, The Brave One, last night. It's gotten great reviews. I was not disappointed, and I highly recommend the movie.

I ended up drawing a few parallels to the movie and what's going on with my life (emotionally) right now. I don't think that's entirely fair (to myself or the movie), but it made me feel better about myself and about my place in the world, so I can't complain about that! At the very least, the movie was good enough for women to empathize with the main character. It was very credible.

No, my lover didn't die. But the breakup was unexpected and almost out-of-the-blue, at least for me.

What ends up happening? You become a stranger to yourself. You become someone else.

Bury my heart and let it sprout forth a new organism, more savage and wild than the previous host, more intrepid and vulnerably feminine - the ne plus ultra of feminine strength.

And I will fear no more.

Well, Crap

So I thought a fun project that would occupy some time (and also be productive) would be to make my own version of this "Leetle Bag".

I was at JoAnn's the other day and found this really pretty, sheer navy blue material dotted with glitter and tiny rhinestones (to look like stars), and thought it would be great for a dice bag (for my Dungeons and Dragons game - I need a new one because my original set of dice walked off with the dice bag, perhaps never to be seen again). I don't have a sewing machine and I felt that this wouldn't be hard to hand-stitch together. Yes, I need a sanity check - it would take me a half-hour to sew this if I had a machine set-up and ready-to-go.

I found another "starscape"-like cotton material to serve as the lining of the "Leetle Bag". I bought a fat quarter because it's the perfect size (18" x 22") for the bag - you don't actually have to buy 3/8 yard (as per the directions). I did end up buying 3/8 yard of the sheer material because it obviously doesn't come in fat quarters. I also bought a yard of navy blue cording (it's fairly light cord, but I couldn't find a cord I liked that was the right "weight") and navy blue thread to match the fabric.

I've altered the directions slightly and am cutting one rectangle of 9-1/4" x 21", instead of two 9-1/4" x 10-1/2" pieces. (I just noticed I screwed up the math already - and I'm a math minor! What's up with this?)

I'm already stuck. I noticed last night that, if I made the bag following the directions, the wrong-side of the cotton material would be on the outside of the bag, and I would lose the cool effect of the two materials that I had hoped for. However, if I further altered the directions so that the right-side of the cotton material was facing out, my dice would be subjugated to the wrong-side of the fabric, and the interior of the bag wouldn't be neatly finished.

I have a solution. I could go back to JoAnn's, find the cotton fabric on a bolt and get a 3/8 yard swatch. Then I could cut a rectangle 9-1/4" x 38" and sew it to make an inner bag where both the outside and the inside were the "right side" of the fabric. I would still have the problem where there are seams showing on whichever side I decide they're on, but it would be slightly more ideal.

Alternatively, I could go back to JoAnns, get another fat quarter of the cotton, and make an "inner inner bag" or (more likely) use it as a lining for the sheer fabric. I think I like that idea better as the cotton will "stabilize" the sheer fabric, which is very slippery.

I also noticed after-the-fact that the sheer fabric doesn't have the glittery pieces equally distributed, so one side of the bag will be noticeably different from the other side of the bag in terms of how "starry" it looks. Which means that I will have to either (A) live with it, or (B) go back and buy another 3/8 yard and cut it so the glittery pieces are more evenly distributed. Because I'm a perfectionist, I think I'll go for option (B).

Furthermore, I also think that I'm going to get my iron out, undo the (tiny amount) of work that I did last night, and draw some lines to follow when I'm stitching this stuff together. Eyeballing doesn't work and makes for very uneven stitches.

And this was supposed to be just a fun project.

Gems of Wisdom

Over the past few days I've been collecting little pearls of insightful things that I've found or that people have told me. A couple of them are from Psychology Today, which, while I think they sometimes have insightful advice, are more pop-psi than real-psi. I felt them worthy enough to share.

Happiness, then, is the confidence that pain and disappointment can be tolerated, that love will prove stronger than aggression. It is release from the attachment to pleasant feelings, and faith in the capacity of awareness to guide us through the inevitable insults to our own narcissism. It is the realization that we do not have to be so self-obsessed, that within our own minds lies the capacity for a kind of acceptance we had only dreamed of. This happiness rarely comes without effort to train [the] mind.

How to Move On: With difficulty. The loss of a relationship is never easy to endure. Rejection is always a blow to our deepest sense of self. Most people use all available means for coping. They talk to friends, let out the pain in tears or in writing. Both help you gain perspective on what was right and what wrong about the relationship, so you can avoid the same mistakes in the future. Resilient people also do things that nourish a positive sense of self. They get extra exercise. Or throw themselves into an absorbing project. Remember, all intimate relationships are practice runs until all the pieces fall into place. View your recent relationship as a rehearsal opportunity for the real thing.

My dearest ex-prof Lou has said a couple good things too:

You need to work out whether dating (or what kind of dating etc) works for you. I can't say you would be bad off with a b/f in grad school; but I have seen for myself, that grad school is, or can be, a really challenging experience. A lot of people drop out, for all kinds of good reasons. So if you want to make it through grad school, you want to arrange everything in life into two piles (a) the things that will help you get through (b) the things that won't. Then make the A pile as big as you can, and the B pile as small as you can. A supportive and sturdy b/f or g/f can definitely go in the A pile. But (alas) a flaky mindfucker is surely in the B pile. I did not have a g/f in grad school, but I had a woman I was insanely in love with, who did not give in proportion to what I gave (I thought) - and so her presence in my life was really in the B pile, completely. But I only worked this out about 95% the way through my PhD. The last 100 yards of the mountain were the hardest part to climb, when I realized I had climbed all that way, and she would not be my prize awaiting me at the top. So it goes. I have no shortage of stupidity in my past. There are scads of attractive men around you, I have no doubt, but you want to be really really selective, when you are before or in grad school. A lot of men cannot really STAND the idea of a woman who is (a) brighter (b) more successful (c) more independent than a man. These are the ones to avoid, regardless of how luscious they look...

And this one:

The main thing I hope you hold fast to, in your heart, is your own sense of worth. So many people (often women) think they are worth less than they really are, and consequently accept b.s. that no decent soul should have to put up with. You are worthy of a good man, and good men are out there, but you have to say 'no' to all the dubious ones... ("My Former Students Do Not Coddle The Weak." ---ex-Klingon Montana Tech Instructor)

We Live in Interesting Times

Taiwan may File Lawsuit in World Court for UN Membership

U.S. Mixes Taiwan Message

I'm all for Taiwan being recognized as its own country.

That would rock the casbah.

Oh THAT'S Why

I theorize he is a False Messiah (DBLM).

The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. Your exact female opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD) Consider: The Loverboy (RGLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

What Happiness Is

Opening Up To Happiness

I quote the "Psychology Today" article:

Happiness, then, is the confidence that pain and disappointment can be tolerated, that love will prove stronger than aggression. It is release from the attachment to pleasant feelings, and faith in the capacity of awareness to guide us through the inevitable insults to our own narcissism. It is the realization that we do not have to be so self-obsessed, that within our own minds lies the capacity for a kind of acceptance we had only dreamed of. This happiness rarely comes without effort to train [the] mind.

Bento For Cheap Bastards

I got this link from Lunch in a Box and was amused.

I like the idea of mixing cheese in with rice and putting ham on top, although I'm not sure how palatable that will be to me when I actually try it.

I really like soaking hard-boiled eggs in tea or a soy sauce brine.

I need to start bringing Bento to work again. I kind of stalled on that when I lost the vent cap on my soup bowl (which reminds me I need to order another soup bowl, and probably another set of bowls so I don't have to do dishes every night). If packed correctly, I end up bringing way too much food. Maybe I should scale back and get some round Tupperware bowls or something.

I don't know why I'm even thinking about food. I've lost my appetite.