T.G.I.F.

I feel like my brain has been running in fifth gear all week.

I'm not exactly where I'd like to be on my uAda95 compiler project. For my Programming Languages class, we have a compiler project that's worth approximately 60-75% of our grade.

Now, basically, what a compiler does is take code, and turn it into something a computer can understand. It's not exactly a walk in the park to develop.

Anyway, I'm behind on the part of the project that is supposed to be due today. 98% of the code is written (but I haven't tested it, so I know that it's very buggy), and there's a couple things that I'm not sure how to work out.

I have a History paper rough draft due last Wednesday, that's probably not going to get written today. Maybe next Monday, maybe Tuesday, hell, maybe I'll just skip the rough draft and just turn in a final paper next Friday. Or this Friday. Or whenever the hell I have three seconds to get around to it.

I just got done with a test in Programming Languages. 30 of the 85 points on the test were short answer definitions from our book, and our prof. isn't exactly keen to let us know what he thinks is important in lecture. So I *think* I got one of the six definitions right. The rest I'm pretty sure I did OK on, because it was all coding and that's all I've been doing the past three days. 55/85. That's 64.7%. There goes the 4.0 I wanted to earn this semester.

Somewhere between Freshman year and now, I lost whatever "academic invincibility" I had. For the first time I've noticed people who are more brilliant than myself, and wonder if they had to go through what life (or I, take your pick) put myself through if they would still have their game.

Or maybe I guessed the wrong major, but now it's too late to go back and switch, because now I have more debt than I like to think about and some bank is going to want that money back. Even if I did guess the wrong major, I still have no idea what I want to do. Actually, I do. I want to travel the world, learn to speak Manderin, go on adventures, etc., etc. The stuff that the male-centered National Geographic Explorer magazine pushes. Too bad you need a crapload of money for all that, money that I can't make because I'm educated but don't have any experience because I decided to try to get the Marines to hire me and they took 18 months to decide they didn't want me.

Hell, let's go back and blame the high school, middle school, and elementary schools I went to for not challenging me enough and helping me set goals that utilized my potential. Fuck. You know that my first grade teacher wanted me to skip second grade because she thought I was brilliant and that I was stupid enough to not want to skip second grade and so my parents kept me with my class?

I need to have an Amaretto Sour and quit feeling sorry for myself.