Valentine's Day sucks. Permanently. This website (which wasn't working when I checked it tonight) has some great images. I used to have some, somewhere, but I don't know where they are. Stuff like a cute stuffed puppy holding a stuffed heart (as if to give it) with the word 'slut' on it. Stuff that embittered singles can appreciate.
Anyway, without getting into detail, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement on what we were going to do for Valentine's Day and things that we do in general.
Guess what? We talked it out, and even though we didn't solve the problem so either of us were completely happy, we were able to realize our differences, know that we both have things to work on if we want the relationship to work, and be OK with all of that. I can even mention the fact that we learned something about the other person tonight and that having this discussion tonight hopefully saves us from having the discussion (when it could be more damaging) later.
Yes, it caused me stress, and yes, I'm losing sleep typing about it as you read, but I'm really happy that I'm in a relationship where I can talk things through and know that if there's a problem with the relationship that we both are actively participating in fixing the problem. Is this what a healthy relationship is like? I've been in so many unhealthy relationships, dealt with too many psycho guys when I didn't have to, that I have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like. While I love my parents, I can't even look at their relationship for an example of a healthy one.
I know that I'm not getting the sweep-me-off-my-feet, millions of roses, candlelight dinner-for-two at a swanky place tomorrow night. But I can look forward to being surprised in a different way. I don't even think most women want the dreamy Valentine's extravaganza. I think women want to be acknowledged in a more tangible way than they are acknowledged during other parts of the year, and that the attempt is worth more than if the attempt is successful or not.
That's enough of my sage ramblings for the night. Now I'm going to take a shower and get some sleep.
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3 comments:
What you described, I do consider a healthy relationship. I like to believe that my boyfriend and I have a healthy relationship. Like yourself, I can't look at my parent's relationship for guidance.
I don't have much to compare my current relationship to, as I have never had another serious relationship. But inside of me, mentally, emotionally, and physically, I feel like our relationship is healthy. I think that is what you need to keep in mind. How do you feel mentally, emotionaly, and physically about this relationship.
I'm curious about how it actually went on Valentine's day.
My parents had an one of the most loving relationships I've ever seen. I've never been able to find that for myself, but perhaps I don't need to now as I was part of it then. ?
I feel the relationship isn't for me. He says one thing to make me happy (or rather, to keep me from getting angry), and does whatever he likes.
I must be stupid to hope that I'll meet a better fellow someday. I keep thinking that something about me is wrong, which is why I've only found heartbreak and pain in my relationships with men. I don't know how women can build long term relationships when I can't even build one that lasts a month. I'd like to think I'm a good person, that I'm a good girlfriend. I'd like to think I'm fair, open and loving.
But my experience has only proven that I can attract men who are unkind, immature, and selfish. Men who have emotional problems, men who are abusive.
I may not think this tomorrow, but I wish I could be completely content with the idea of being single forever.
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