What Fresh Hell Is This?

Just when you think you've got the world figured out Life throws you a curve ball.  Happens every time.

All my friends would be right to say my love life is a mess.  I've always wanted that certain special relationship.  I've tried so hard to create that in my life, with whatever poor sap that was the mark for the next 8 months or how ever long he decided to stay around.  I always strived to create that great relationship.  Failed miserably every time.

Went through my whole emotional Renaissance.  All "Let's be single until after grad school" planned out.  Fully intended for that to happen.  But I made a profile on eHarmony just in case I was matched with someone I took a liking to.  At least create the opportunity to go out on a date if I wanted to.  But honestly I've been exhausted about dating, about relationships, and none of my matches really excited me.  The idea of logging on and looking sounds tiring.  I probably have 15 communications sitting in my account right now that I just don't want to deal with.

So I meet this guy, and he's just, you know.  Perfect.  Went to grad school with a woman from work.  Good buddies with her boyfriend.  We met one night after I went to happy hour with my colleague.  Next thing you know he's asked me out and he's just being the perfect gentleman and all. . . .dreamy.  Perfect smile, warm brown eyes.  Nice voice.  Sweet on me.

And I feel like such a mess.  If we had met a year ago I'd probably be doing all sorts of things to get in my own damn way.  Now I'm just too drained to do anything but let him be nice to me.  He knows quite a few of my embarrassing stories (like the one I don't think I told anyone in L.A. - how'd he tease that story out of me?), and read my whole story of why I run and was somehow not scared off by the fact I used to be a Marine Officer Candidate.  Practically poured over my entire Facebook profile and read everything.  Somehow did not get scared off.

He makes me feel comfortable and safe and I don't get creeped out that he's interested in me.  Did I mention we have compatible interests (runs triathlons!) and he loves to travel?  Not to mention has great stories?  Don't get me started on how I asked him the "would you go to Mars?" question and even though he didn't say yes, his answer reminded me of something I read in this article and made me say, "Aw!  That's so sweet!"

My colleague is really excited.  Before we went out on our second date, she asked me when it would be.  "I don't know, but it's a little late to set up something for this weekend."

"Oh!  You're supposed to go out on date #2 this weekend and then you're supposed to get married!!"

Say what?

Turns out we did go out on date #2 this weekend.  He called me Saturday to set it up.  I normally don't like going out on such short notice but he's out of town until after the 4th and he's been punctual and completely not flaky.  If we end up getting married she needs to go to the wedding to tell that story.  Because that would be a damn fine story to hear at a wedding.

But honestly, I'm terrified.  I'm a deer in the headlights.  My shit's not together, I'm not ready for this!  I feel like I'm moving in slow-motion and the world is moving in real-time around me.  It also feels like a giant conspiracy.  Some star is looking down at my situation and having a great big laugh at my expense.  Thanks Fate.  Way to kick me while I'm down.