5 More Weeks

I have five more weeks of college left. And, to tell you the truth, if I somehow fuck the whole thing up and don't graduate, I really could care less. I just don't ever want to go back.

I'm so depressed; I'm drowning in schoolwork and I can't manage to get a single damn thing done. Except for when I went for a run with a friend today. . .that's productive, right?

I have two tests this week; one test on my birthday (for interpersonal communications - that woman gets virulently more anti-everything with each passing day) and one test on Friday in programming languages.

After this semester, I would have successfully accumulated six years of college education (if you include concurrent enrollment courses in high school and Advanced Placement stuff). That's enough, don't you think?

I can't sleep, I'm rarely hungry (yet always starving), and I don't want to do anything. I've reached an all new low.

Yup. Feels like depression (with a big "D") to me.

I pray to God that I get through this semester, that I can get a job worthy of a college graduate. At the same time, not getting a job lets me stick it to Tech by fucking up their job placement numbers. Career Services my ass. You know I tried to talk to those idiots about jobs in Intelligence and I got the whole glazed-donut look and a big, fat "I don't know?"? Granted, I don't think Tech churns out many people who work in the Intel industry but you'd think a title like "Career Services" would mean that they'd at least be willing to help me out. Bastards.

I had an old professor remark to me today that I probably think the semester "is hard because I don't like programming and have to do it"(his words). Well fuck that. If I had switched majors, I'd be looking at three more years (at least) of school right now. At least I stuck with something. That's better than wallowing in academia for years and years and years, isn't it? Didn't I try to do something great with a degree I didn't want? (Even though that idea didn't pan out?) Isn't getting a fucking college degree worth something? Isn't not getting further in debt worth something too?

Fuck. I'm going to go stare at my bedroom ceiling some more because it's obvious I'm not going to be able to sleep any time soon.