Apathy

Plenty of Fish
Chemistry
OkCupid
Match
True
eHarmony

The list of online dating sites continues to lengthen. The list of online dating sites I've tried will probably continue to lengthen too. While the men I get matched to seem to be, on average, all-right-enough fellows, none of them seem to interest me. Handsome athletic writer in Huntington Beach doesn't make my heart skip a beat, even if he does want to take me up to Hollywood for a movie and Thai food. Good-looking young ER doctor in Hermosa doesn't interest me because he probably doesn't have time for me (seriously, why is the guy even looking?). Etc. etc. This isn't counting any of the idiots who have no idea how to go about online dating. The guys I'm talking about sound like they have real potential, except for one minor problem:

I'm not interested. In any of them. I'm even tired of looking.

The whole dating-relationship-breakup parabola totally does not sound like something I want to have anything to do with, not now, not ever again.

That's pretty pessimistic, I know.

I don't think I've necessarily lost faith in Love, I think Love exists and that it's possible to Love someone. I think a healthy relationship that has a lot of Love, Romance, and Joy in it are possible, I just don't know if that's possible for me to have anymore. I just don't think that Love is for me right now. The men I've dated are so disappointing, and I don't think they were all losers either.

I've put up with a lot of crap from fellows, mostly because I'm an easy-going, accepting person. I'm nice, too nice for my own good. Well fuck that. I'm a valuable person, even if I'm a little dinged up by Life. I'm precious and I have worth to the world. Hell if I'm going to let some fellow take advantage of that again.

I mean, why waste an investment of my time, money, and energy, when I've never-to-this-date reaped a return? I'd rather put my time, money and energy into taking care of myself. Maybe that's a selfish perspective.

I know I'm sounding bitter. Maybe I even am bitter, to an extent. I'm a romantic person (most of the time) with romantic notions that got brutally squashed by reality.

One of the security guards at work is constantly telling me I need to dress up. "Girl," she says, "you need to come in here all dressed up so these boys will take you out to lunch! You should come to work tomorrow wearing a dress!" This has been happening for the past two weeks. Maybe she hasn't noticed that there aren't many young available men at work. Maybe she hasn't noticed that I just don't care about dating anymore.

Or maybe she knows something that I don't.