One Livid New Year's

I thought teen angst was supposed to die after you reached your 20s. Apparently I was wrong.

I found out today that my mom is more neurotic than I thought. Or does everyone have a neurotic mom?

I found out today that my parents would rather I spend New Year's completely alone than out being a normal girl in her mid-20's and socializing with friends. I feel like they don't trust me, that they feel like they completely fucked-up raising me in that apparently they've somehow given me a bad sense of judgment. Maybe they did, and that's why I don't have a lot of friends and that I keep picking bad men to get involved with.

What the hell did I do to them? I went to college, I have a good job that they like to brag about, I don't do drugs, I don't get into trouble. I'd like to think I'm a nice person, that I'm a positive contribution to society. What more do they want?

Why can't they trust me to go out and have a fun, safe time on New Year's?

What bothers me even more is that despite my best efforts, I don't have anywhere to go and no one to go with tonight. I turned down an invite with a girlfriend because I didn't want to freeze my butt off in Pasadena to wake up at God knows what hour to watch the Rose Parade live.

I'm almost tempted to be really immature and start making stuff up to scare them. Maybe I'll just not be as open with them anymore. I don't want to do that because I feel that open relationships are better, but it's like I tell them everything that's going on and they don't trust me anyway.

It's really not so bad that I'm spending New Year's alone, but it really hurts that I wanted to have a light-hearted, fun New Year's and my parents didn't want me to have that also because they're too busy being paranoid that something awful is going to happen to me when I'm with my friends, who are all for the most apart also educated nice people who contribute positively to society.

Movie Review - I Am Legend

I read the novella of this a couple weeks before seeing the movie. I think the movie, while a departure from the source, was enjoyable enough to watch.

I think in my old age I've become resigned to watching tortured versions of great literature get caricaturized on screen.

If you haven't seen the movie yet, I would recommend reading the book (even if you've seen the movie the book is a good read). It's only 170 or so pages, and there are lots of little delightful horror stories at the end. Personally, I'm dissatisfied with both the book's ending and the movie's ending. Maybe that's why I'm not completely incensed. The movie does twist with the 'Legend' theme, and I like the book's version of it much more fascinating.

I've read a lot of reviews that compare I Am Legend to Cast Away. I felt that "I Am Legend" is a better film. I feel that it's easier for me to understand/empathize with a man who talks to his dog as opposed to a man who talks to a volleyball. Also, the threat of being torn apart by rabid, vampiric creatures feels a lot more immediate than starving to death.

I think I'm sounding a bit harsh! I saw "I Am Legend" on an IMAX screen (there's a six minute preview of The Dark Knight just before the show starts) and it's incredible to see things larger-than-life-sized. That is how movies should be shown!

There's a little bit of everything in this film and I definitely recommend seeing it in theaters - especially in IMAX where you can see "The Dark Knight" clip (yes, I really do think those six minutes are worth the extra price - especially on a screen that big).

Back in the Saddle?

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about relationships, and he told me something (which isn't new) that was very profound:

we develop relationships where our significant other treats us the way our subconscious wants us to be treated

Even if this statement isn't entirely true (and regardless of the debate over the subconscious mind), it's at least worthy of some thought.

Immediately after this conversation, I went to a Christmas party where I attracted a fellow who I would not have thought as "my type". That is, until I was telling someone the story and she said, "What are you talking about? He *totally* sounds like your type!" (This led to an internal reevaluation of what "my type" is)

This story could get verbose.

The concise version is that the fellow called me up, invited me over to dinner, I accepted and went, and we had a blast. I had the added benefit of noticing that, not only did has he won the "nicest-guy-Diane-has-ever-been-on-a-date-with" prize, but it sounded like he planned on having future dates with me.

How refreshing and totally unexpected!

So now I'm thinking that, maybe Love doesn't suck. I don't think Love is great, either, so let's say I'm now "hopeful that Love maybe doesn't suck". (That's such a blase way to describe the concept!)

And never fear - I *am* trying the multiple-line strategy, with minor success. I had a first date last week that, on a scale of 1-10, was probably a 3. Definitely no 2nd date for that guy. So while I'm trying to keep all my hopes in different baskets, I'm not having much success with the other baskets.

Bricked iPod, Update

I finally got around to cracking my iPod case open. It took a penknife and a guitar pick. If you try this at home, know that there's a little trick to it and you really have to dig at the case to get it to pop open the first time. There are videos floating around on youTube if you want a little guidance.

I tried the business card trick, and lo! It works!

Turns out my computer *will* run the latest version of iTunes, albeit slowly. My computer recognizes the iPod, updated the software, and now the resurrected iPod charges happily.

The real test comes tomorrow afternoon - will it survive another run?

This little experiment gives me all sorts of fresh ideas. Namely, replacing the iPod battery. We'll see if the iPod works first.

Movie Review - Black Book

I rented Black Book the other night. I'd read that Lust, Caution was a drawn-out, boring version of "Black Book", only in Chinese instead of Dutch and German.

"Black Book" is filled with interesting action from beginning to end, although the plot twists are predictable. I also found the characters lacking depth (overall) and slightly unbelievable, which I think is disappointing considering how obvious it is that everyone involved cares about the movie.

I found Carice van Houten's character especially naive, considering she was supposed to be a Jewish ex-cabaret singer near the end of WWII. She's very sexy in the film, and has multiple love interests.

This was a good, mindless rental. I'm kind of glad I didn't catch it in the theaters.

Apathy

Plenty of Fish
Chemistry
OkCupid
Match
True
eHarmony

The list of online dating sites continues to lengthen. The list of online dating sites I've tried will probably continue to lengthen too. While the men I get matched to seem to be, on average, all-right-enough fellows, none of them seem to interest me. Handsome athletic writer in Huntington Beach doesn't make my heart skip a beat, even if he does want to take me up to Hollywood for a movie and Thai food. Good-looking young ER doctor in Hermosa doesn't interest me because he probably doesn't have time for me (seriously, why is the guy even looking?). Etc. etc. This isn't counting any of the idiots who have no idea how to go about online dating. The guys I'm talking about sound like they have real potential, except for one minor problem:

I'm not interested. In any of them. I'm even tired of looking.

The whole dating-relationship-breakup parabola totally does not sound like something I want to have anything to do with, not now, not ever again.

That's pretty pessimistic, I know.

I don't think I've necessarily lost faith in Love, I think Love exists and that it's possible to Love someone. I think a healthy relationship that has a lot of Love, Romance, and Joy in it are possible, I just don't know if that's possible for me to have anymore. I just don't think that Love is for me right now. The men I've dated are so disappointing, and I don't think they were all losers either.

I've put up with a lot of crap from fellows, mostly because I'm an easy-going, accepting person. I'm nice, too nice for my own good. Well fuck that. I'm a valuable person, even if I'm a little dinged up by Life. I'm precious and I have worth to the world. Hell if I'm going to let some fellow take advantage of that again.

I mean, why waste an investment of my time, money, and energy, when I've never-to-this-date reaped a return? I'd rather put my time, money and energy into taking care of myself. Maybe that's a selfish perspective.

I know I'm sounding bitter. Maybe I even am bitter, to an extent. I'm a romantic person (most of the time) with romantic notions that got brutally squashed by reality.

One of the security guards at work is constantly telling me I need to dress up. "Girl," she says, "you need to come in here all dressed up so these boys will take you out to lunch! You should come to work tomorrow wearing a dress!" This has been happening for the past two weeks. Maybe she hasn't noticed that there aren't many young available men at work. Maybe she hasn't noticed that I just don't care about dating anymore.

Or maybe she knows something that I don't.

I'm Going To Try This!

I was chatting with a friend today who was on a quest to find the best gingerbread recipe.

Does anything *get* more homey than a freshly baked, warm gingerbread cookie?

I looked up Gingerbread on wikipedia and came across a fantastic new factoid - gingerbread cookies are traditionally dunked in port. What a fabulous idea!

I must try this tonight. But I'm going to be lazy and get gingerbread cookies from a store. I'll try to find some I can warm in the oven slightly.