Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Relieving Rejection

I was supposed to go on a date last night, but a couple hours before we were supposed to go out he called me and canceled. A couple years ago something similar happened.

Last night, he said something that I guess some would call a reasonable excuse. He rescheduled for Wednesday. He even called it a date, which he's never admitted to me before.

This wasn't even a date that I begged for, he's been bugging me for over six weeks that he wanted to take me out and we finally scheduled it "tentatively". He even bugged me about it that day over IM and wanted to know if we were still on.

Whatever. If it was just this alone I don't think I'd be so bothered. But it sits on top of all the other feelings of rejection and loneliness. Not only am I not cool enough to take out on a Friday night, but I'm also not cool enough to actually go out with on a Monday night.

My ex who dumped me left pasta dishes and plastic wine goblets at my place because he thought it would be a sign of him being "a nice guy" after he dumped me over the phone and couldn't tell me why. The real reason being he's a giant coward and couldn't tell me that the whole relationship was a lie.

I came home from work tonight, put the dishes in a plastic bag and smashed them with a hammer.

I don't feel better, but I feel relieved.

3 comments:

don said...

You're plenty cool enough Diane. Look forward to the nice things that are no doubt in your future.

Krista said...

Diane,
You don't need a guy to make you feel worthwhile. You are cool by yourself. Spend the time doing things you want to do. There are plenty of people who do want to hang out with you, so don't worry about the others. Love you and miss you!

Diane Lowe said...

Thanks Don, Krista.

It's not the idea that I "need a guy", but that I expect people to be as reliable/dependable as myself (who, let's face it, has the ability to be flaky at times too).

I mean, I've had other people who say they're my "friends" not want to hang out with me on a Friday night for whatever reason as well. So I'm not trying to say that it's just guys, even though that particular night it was a guy, and he flaked out in a manner that was particularly painful to me.

I'd like to find a group of people to go hang out and do stuff with, but good friends are so hard to find.