Monday, May 15, 2006

The Fear of Being an Utter Failure

So. I graduated from college on May 13th, as Montana Tech's first female Software Engineer. Fast forward 50 or 100 years, and someone is sure to write an article about me and my life in the Tech Foundation newsletter. But today, I'm just a graduate. I didn't earn any honors or awards. I don't even have a job yet.

Here I am, with degree in hand, and turns out I don't even like engineering software. I ran into one of my old profs today, and he said that, a couple years ago, he wasn't sure if I was going to make it. What surprises me is that there was never any doubt in my mind of whether or not I was going to graduate from Tech with the very degree I have today. Granted, there were moments of "I'm going to beat this or die trying", with the "die trying" winning, but still. Oh ye of little faith.

I've felt a desire to start writing again, and in a big way. I don't know if it means I'm going to have to be a technical writer for some software company, or if I'm going to have to go back to college and study journalism or something like that. (Actually, I was thinking about doing war corresponding for a living about six months ago) Here's a modest set of goals I'd like to accomplish in my lifetime, subject to change in the future:

  • Become fluent in Manderin (just speaking - literacy can come later)
  • Write one major work of fiction and one of non-fiction
  • Visit the Vatican
  • Visit the Holy Land
  • Learn how to salsa and tango in Argentina
  • See Rio during Carnival

OK, that's all I've come up with. Maybe I should have become a travel agent or tour guide. I definitely don't want to spend more than the summer in Butte if this internship doesn't come up. If I spend too much time here, I'm going to lose any momentum I had left over from college.

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