Loss Of A Great Love

I lost a Great Love tonight.

I have no one with whom to share my bed, my food, my home, or my life with. Not to mention my dreams, the great sorrows and triumphs of life, and my soul.

I've cried so hard for so long my throat feels like sandpaper. I look a mess. I can't sleep - I had to force myself to eat tonight.

Yet I still breathe. Why?

I think of the experiences I won't get to have with him. I think of the experiences we've shared that we won't get to share again. I think on happier days when we were drunk with the new pangs of love.

How sad it would be to never love again. But to hope that the next Great Love would be the last, how great and wonderful that would be!

How futile a hope. I can't seem to get a relationship to last more than a few precious months. Before I met this man, I thought my heart was irreparably broken, that I could never truly love again.

Tonight I cannot stand the thought of falling in love at all.

I won't ever get to see him sleeping next to me. I won't ever be close enough to smell his skin or whisper sweet thoughts into his ear.

I face the world alone. Tomorrow I face Unforgiving Life and I must press on. To mourn would be to falter, and I have no one to save me now.