Coincidence

I'm in a big enough town, the likelihood of us ever running into each other are incredibly slim. We run in different circles, hang out with different people, and probably shop at different stores. The Fates have woven our lives apart.

And yet, this morning, it happened. The right circumstances came together and I saw him in his car this morning.

He works not far from me (his office is less than a half-mile away from my office, and both complexes share a common road), and even after he moved out we still both use the same route to get to work.

He's not so much an early bird, and I've been waking up late recently.

There's an intersection on the commute right before I get to work, where I turn left and he goes straight. I was in the turn lane and when the light turned green I pulled forward. The car at the front of the line was a blue Ford Focus.

"Hey, " I thought. "My ex-boyfriend drives a blue Ford Focus."

Then I saw the "Follow me to Dodger Stadium" license plate frame and I knew it was him. I didn't even need to glance at the driver, although I did and even though I didn't get a clear view I knew.

By then I was going too fast into the turn and I was gone.

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The more I think about him the more angry I get. I wish I could have seen through him before he dumped me, so that I could dump him first. I'm mad at myself that, because of him, I second-guess every interaction with every romantic prospect since.

I'm more hurt over the idea that all the young eligible bachelors I meet don't want girlfriends than I am some fucktard messed me up and dumped me. Maybe I need to be older or more single. One of my friends tells me I need to accept shades of gray in relationships. That wouldn't be too bad if the bachelors were at least open to the idea of having girlfriends. It wouldn't be too bad if some fellow actually wanted me for a change. We go on a couple dates and they say, "I don't want to hurt you but I don't want a girlfriend." Add a couple words and they might as well say, "I don't want to sound like an ass, but I just don't want you. We can still hang out, right?" It's almost enough to force me to delete every bachelor's number from my phone, change my number, and not look back.

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I wonder if he saw me; my car is a flashy cherry red, and a model that isn't too common (at least, not common enough for me to be seeing them everywhere) even though it is an economy model.

I'd almost rather he was oblivious.