Divided

I want to be in a relationship but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, someone who doesn't, for want of a better term, suck.
I want to be single but I hate waking up in the morning to myself in the cold. I hate not having anyone to share my life with.
I feel like I'm missing a huge part of why I'm single and yet other people's advice seriously annoys me. I'm convinced that every theory on why single people are single is full of enough cow manure you could swim in it.
I feel like I have a lot going on for me but I can't enjoy it because I can't get this stupid last puzzle piece into place. It's an empty satisfaction without someone to share it with.
I don't know my soul mate yet I don't want to go out and meet new people. I'm tired of meeting new people because they always end up so disappointing.
I hate spending nights in my apartment alone. Shouldn't I be doing something more fun or social?
I end up not turning people down because I don't have anything else on my agenda. So I spend time with people who I know aren't going to turn into something significant for me because I have no better alternative.
They say the best way to meet a new significant other is to meet friends of friends, but I'm sick of doing all the social things my friends want to do because they never reciprocate and want to do the things I do. Maybe I need to find better friends, but I don't know how to go about doing that. No one I know is into all the diverse things I'm into, so I end up having a set of friends to read books with, a set of friends to go to happy hour with, a set of friends to play board games with, etc. Are there no more three dimensional people out there?

Maybe I'm just boring. But I don't know how to make myself more interesting.

I just don't know why everything has to be on everyone else's terms. It's not fair at all. (What the fuck is up with all the men who don't want girlfriends? It really hurts, you know!) Why can't something be on my terms for once?

It's really tempting to throw my cell phone into the Pacific and not replace it. I'm tired of hoping that guys might call me (regardless of whether or not they want me). Let's face it, the only people who call me who really want to talk to me are my parents, and only because they want to keep track of me and dictate how I should live my life.

I'm going to end up being a spinster because I'm so craved for emotional affection that I'll scare off anyone who's seriously interested. Anyone I don't scare off will be the controlling nightmare freaks that I don't want to be with anyway.