Sample

I realize this is of a private nature, but I also think there are a lot of women who don't take their reproductive health seriously enough. So maybe, in an off chance, my writing about my experience will help someone be less nervous about the whole thing, or inspire someone to start taking better care of themselves. Or, more likely, I'll satisfy someone's (probably a guy's) curiosity.

I went to the OBGYN today for a follow-up Pap on a colposcopy. I was supposed to have it done months ago but I was being really lazy.

Every time I go into the office there's a nurse who takes my blood pressure and my weight (102/70 and 144 lbs today). Then she asks me to give a urine sample. They have a little bathroom so it's not like I'm out in the hall or anything. There's a cupboard that you put the cup in that's connected to the other side so when you're done with the bathroom they can pull the cup out without having to go in. It's kind of elegant but threw me for a loop the first time I went there.

I get a little annoyed about having to give a urine sample. Partly because they use it for a pregnancy test which costs an additional $20 after insurance (which I already know will be negative and it's something I could do at home for less), and partly because I feel like urine samples are for drug tests and I'm definitely not *on* anything. Before I started going to this clinic I never had to give urine samples when I went to the OBGYN. Then again, I always went to the campus clinic before I hit the "real world".

The mischievous side of me wants to start writing "TreeTop" or "Mott's" or "Lemon-Lime" on the cup instead of my name, but I don't think it's very nice of me to take my frustration out on the nurse who is just executing a policy that she probably didn't even come up with.

After the urine sample the nurse leads me to an examination room with a table that has a gown and a drape on it. Theoretically you're supposed to strip, put the gown on (opening in front - it's like a paper bathrobe), crack the door, then sit on the table and put the drape over your legs. I *think* the doctor is only supposed to do breast exams once every three years, so in an off year I'm not sure what the gown is for if you only have to take your pants and underwear off.

The doctor comes in, asks some questions about when your last period was and if you have any questions or concerns. Then they have you put your feet in these "stirrups" and you lay back for the exam. It's really the most undignified position you can be in, but things will go a lot better if you let your knees fall to the sides and relax. A sense of humor helps, too. The exam room I was in today had a little poster on the ceiling that said, "Relax" and had a photo of a monkey making a funny face. The doctor inserts a speculum and collects the sample for the Pap smear. There's a plastic brush that the doctor brushes/rubs over the cervix. It's never hurt me but can feel kind of weird or uncomfortable. After the Pap the doctor does a pelvic examination. The doctor lubes two fingers of one hand, inserts it, and puts the other hand on top of your tummy to check out things like the size of your ovaries and your uterus. Sometimes this doesn't hurt at all, sometimes it really hurts. Sometimes it hurt so much you're walking around funny for the rest of the day. Actually, that only happened to me once.

After that you're pretty much done. The doctor leaves, and you can put your clothes back on and take for the hills. Sometimes the doctor will have you come back to their office to talk about any concerns or when they would like to see you again.

You should get a phone call or a note from the office in a few weeks (no longer than three) to find out what the results of your Pap are. If you get an abnormal result you'll probably have to go in for a colposcopy, which can be pretty scary but it didn't hurt at all like the horror stories I've read on the internet. So if I have to have one of those done again I'll probably blog the experience.

If I haven't convinced you that women need to do this once a year, I even have an extra-helpful reason: women who get Pap smears tend to clear HPV infections, and there seems to be a correlation. So if for no other reason (you can even request other STD/STI screenings at the clinic), you should get that done.

So there you have it. A sample girl-parts check-up.