My Quarter-Life Crisis

So my neighbor commented that I'm going through a quarter-life crisis.

Why did no one warn me about this before? I've read/heard about the mid-life crisis, where all the guys buy new sports cars and run off with the youngest blond bimbo they can find, and the women get Botoxed and surgical alteration to keep their husbands from running off with the blond bimbos.

I'd never even heard about the quarter-life crisis. And yet, there it is.

I thought when I had a good job I would be able to travel every year. I'd be able to conquer the world through my superior intellect and drive to save us from ourselves. I could buy pretty clothes, jewelry and makeup. I'd be living the dream.

And where am I? Yeah I can afford to live by myself, but if I want to go to Peru in 2010 I'd better get my budget and my collective financial shit together. I can't get a relationship to last beyond infancy and I wonder why that is. I don't think I'm a bad person, or a bad girlfriend. It's just I can't find anyone who wants a girlfriend, who wants me. They're all like, "I don't want a girlfriend, but I'm not interested in anyone else and we can still fool around. Is that OK?" No it's not OK! What the fuck? Aren't I nice/smart/pretty/alpha female enough? Maybe I'm not trendy enough. But that costs money I'm not willing to spend on people I have to convince to want me. I shouldn't have to convince anyone I'm a good person to spend time with.

I'm thoroughly convinced that men in my "target demograph" will 1) never commit, 2) don't want families eventually and most importantly 3) don't want me. And it's not like I think I ask for much. I just think it's nice to wake up next to someone in the morning occasionally, and have a consistent friend to go out to dinner or a movie sometimes. Someone to explore the world with. And for some reason that's too much to ask for. Maybe they're all going through quarter-life crises too. You would think we could bond over our misery.

I crave social interaction but I bore easily. I leave parties early and I think in some cases I drink a little too much. I don't know if I just feel more comfortable around my friends here or what, but once I went to a party in my apartment complex and drank a bottle of wine in under two hours. If you've met me, you know that I'm wild enough after a glass or two. (Disclaimer, I don't drink and drive.)

Why do I feel so empty? I have hobbies. Aren't hobbies and your occupation supposed to be what enriches your soul?

I don't want to start going to church again. Church people scare me.

And it's not like I don't have goals. Besides traveling, I want to run a 10K this summer, and a half marathon this Fall. I want to run the Marine Corps Marathon next year. I feel that if I can complete that marathon I'll have redeemed the part of me I lost when I failed OCS. But then what? I won't have conquered the world, I'll probably still be single and jaded.

It's so depressing and I really wish that someone warned me about it beforehand. But then again, according to this article, if I'm lucky I won't have to get Botox and breast enlargements later.