As of yesterday, I've been out of college for a year. That is, if you don't count my taking Chinese class for fun this year.
In a few short years I'll be facing my 10 year high school reunion. I have incredibly mixed feelings regarding going to this event. I don't know why I'm so fixated on it. Possibly too many re-watchings of Grosse Pointe Blank. Call me harsh, but I predict that it will be a re-gelling of all the old cliques, and a painful reminder why I looked forward to college so much.
High school wasn't a fun time for me.
I think most of the people I went to high school with stayed in town, and are mostly married with children by now. I really hate that the only measuring stick that culture has (for women) is how many times you've managed to successfully reproduce and what job your husband has.
Don't get me wrong; I've grown to like children and babies over the years. I'd actually like to be a mom someday, just not today, or tomorrow, or a couple more years of tomorrows. I want to be the best damn mom I can be, and I don't think I can provide that for someone right now.
Why even consider going if I think it's going to be miserable? Because I feel like I should be able to get some sort of redemption, some sort of selfish recognition of the greatness that is me, from former peers who shut me out. At the very least, I should at least be able to say "Fuck You! You helped make my life miserable in high school and look where I ended up!"
I don't think Life works that way. One, that kind of behavior is not very mature, and two, I'm 99.999% certain they wouldn't care anyway. Both of which completely negate the purpose of even going to begin with. All the people I liked in high school I still stay in touch with.
I don't think they'll care because the things I've done aren't on the "success RADAR" for women there. If women pay a price to "have it all" in the Real World, they pay doubly in Southern Utah.
I've formulated an anti-10-year-reunion plan: I'll take the weekend of the reunion to go have fun in Vegas. I don't gamble, but I really enjoy the whole atmosphere there. Or even if I don't go to Vegas, but some other town a day trip away from home. I would have the joy of doing something pleasant (instead of drinking way too much champagne and taking advantage of that to say something truly immature OR not being able to drink at all that night and wanting to throttle people for their wasted potential, depending on the situation), with someone I love (at least myself), in a place that I'm bound to like more than the place I went to high school.
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- Diane Lowe
- Los Angeles, California, United States
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4 comments:
My gosh. You remind me so much of my sister.
She was so bitter about highschool. She ended up being successful and wealthy beyond most of her classmates imagination. It's a long story. But people grow up.
I had lots of friends in school unlike my sister. But I also had reservations about going back to the reunion. I almost didn't go because I just like to put my past behind me. But when I went I had a great time. It was a joy.
My sister recently went to one of hers. They had a blast.
I think you should go. Because if you don't you'll continue to hold on to these feelings that you probably should get some closure on.
And even if you don't have a good time, and the people still suck, you will be able to put it behind you and into it's place for sure. I think it would be more healthy for you than going to Vegas. That isn't going to help and might actually make it worse.
Ok, that'll be $500 for the therapy. :)
And I think you would be a great mom!
Thanks Don!
We'll see. I have a few more years before I have to make a decision. I'd also like to put the past behind me. I do realize that people grow up (I'd like to think I have), but I just feel like I won't have anything in common with those people (did I ever?). I guess I can think of better ways to spend a weekend than mingling with strangers I may or may not have known a decade ago.
Which reunion did your sister go to? The 10-year?
My class had a 5-year reunion, a potluck picnic in the park. Families were invited. I didn't go.
So where do I send your check?
I can understand if you don't go, I know a bunch of people who say they have no connection with the people and want nothing to do with it. My sister is older than me and I never really knew any of the people in her circle. We never moved so we knew people from way back. I'm tighter with people from gradeschool still. It was like we were all in prison together or something.
If you are going to go to one then go to the 10. After that they do talk about their kids an such.
I had the same thoughts about my 10-year high school reunion. But it turns out that almost no one cared anymore about the relationships they had in high school. The ones who did, didn't come, which is a shame since they would have realized that high school is at a very far removal from the people we become in adulthood.
You can read my post about my reunion here: http://www.scottcorner.org/2006/barlow-10-year-reunion/
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