Discernment

I just wanted to take the ASVAB to see if I would qualify for the military intelligence jobs that I'm interested in. Just exploring my options, using the military as a last resort in case the NSA or the CIA don't want me.
And no sooner do I take this test, I have recruiters wanting me to sign Delayed Enlistment paperwork and calling me on the phone. I get done with the recruiting center in town, get a sandwich at Subway, and as soon as I get home and walk through the door I get a phone call.

Me: Hello?
MCR (Marine Corps Recruiter): Hi, this is Staff Sgt. (I didn't quite catch his name), how are you today?
Me: Oh, I'm all right. How are you?
MCR: Great. How was your day?
Me: Long. I just walked in the door.
MCR: So what are you going to do now?
Me: I'm going to have something to eat, play Resident Evil 4 (yeah, I really needed to kill some zombies) and do some homework.
MCR: Resident Evil 4? That's out?
Me: Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

(Minor discussion on video games, with me wondering why this fellow is chatting me up when I know and he knows that he wants to sign me up)

Turns out he doesn't know anything about my previous involvement with the Marine Corps, so I had to explain all that to him, and why I washed out of OCS. He kind of gave me a hard time when I said I fell out of the run, but hey, who called who here? He asks me when I last took the ASVAB (this afternoon), and what my score was (98). I ask him if I can get the MOS I want (he says I can get "intelligence" guarenteed, but didn't say anything about counter-intelligence).

But I have an appointment with him tomorrow about enlisting. I don't even know what or if I really want to do this anymore. I put so much time, effort and heart into the Marines the last time I'm not sure if I have enough manna to get involved with all that again. A part of me really wants to do this, to prove I have what it takes to be a Marine. But another part of me holds back, because it was too heart-breaking to fail the first time. Granted, it's only a four year commitment, with an additional four years on the IRR (Inactive Ready Reserve), which isn't a long time if you're 22.

But there's another test I get to take, a language test to see what languages I'm "qualified" to learn. I hope that I'll be qualified to learn a Level 5 language, which means I can learn Arabic or Mandarin Chinese. (I think we all know what my first choice is!)

I want to talk to the Air Force and the Navy, though, because my cousin (who did counter-intelligence last year in Iraq) was very impressed with the Air Force's OIS program, and the Air Force and Navy tend to have the nerdier jobs.

I'm not even sure if I want to go into the military anymore. My priest says that I need to be patient, and God will let me know what He wants me to do with my life. But God is either sending me mixed messages, or not sending messages to me at all. Or maybe I'm not getting the messages. I wish I knew what to do.