Everything was fine this morning until the middle of Mass, during the intercessions, when the deacon said something about the friends and loved ones we've lost.
Today had to be it. I had to go and visit Kody today. I put it off long enough.
After Mass I drove to the cemetery, found the little map and where Kody was supposed to be buried, drove over to the plot, wandered around, drove back to the little map and looked at it, drove back to the plot and wandered around some more. Kody, in his infinite twistedness, would have been amused.
It would have been better if the cemetery actually had markers or something in the cemetery that gave you an idea of where you were.
Anyway, after a half hour of searching, I finally did find his grave. He has a nice headstone. And someone brought him plastic flowers.
I'm trying to understand why I'm so grieved over his death. We weren't exactly close, although I liked and admired him. He was the most funny kid I knew in high school. I liked the idea that he kept in touch with me after he got married and joined the Navy.
I'm not angry with him, because I'm familiar with that personal hell people face before they commit suicide. I don't want to know how he did it. I wish so many things that could have brought about his still being with us today.
I told Kody once about my conversion to Catholicism, and he e-mailed me, "Maybe God will be good to you." I hope that God, in His kindness, has mercy on Kody's soul.
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